Thursday, July 24, 2014

BATMAN DAY

CUSTOMER: "Is today Batman Day?"

ME: "No...yesterday was."

CUSTOMER: "What is today?"

ME: "Thursday."

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

The Priest

So about an hour ago a priest came into my shop. He was young...maybe early 30s. First time in.

We started taking about toys and stuff. We seemed to be hitting it off well.

 Here is the rest of the conversation:

ME: "Are you really a priest?"

PRIEST: "Yes."

ME: "You seem kinda short to be a priest."

PRIEST: "How tall are priests supposed to be?"

ME: "I think around 5' 10" or taller."

PRIEST: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

ME: :::smiling:::

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Saturday, June 28, 2014

Amazon Woman....Bang! Zoom! To the Moon!

MOM TO DAUGHTER: "So just look around the store, pick out what you want, and I'll order it from Amazon."

ME:  "You do know I'm standing right here, correct?"

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Balls.

A woman in her late sixties came in my shop the other day. Here is that conversation.

WOMAN: "Hello...do you have balls?"

ME: "Yes....what kind are you looking for?"

WOMAN: "I want some nice ones that will fit in my hand."

ME: "How about these?" [I showed her my balls]

WOMAN: "No...those are a tad too small?"

ME: "Would you like some the size of a baseball?"

WOMAN: "That size but something more squeezable."

ME: "Nope....just these hard ones. Try the guy down at the Dollar Store...I'm sure he has some."

WOMAN: "That's a good idea! Thanks for your help."

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(I kept a straight face the whole time. )


Wednesday, May 28, 2014

The Leather Jacket.

In my shop I'm selling a leather jacket.

A guy came in the other day and started looking at it. Touching it. Asking about it.

Here is that riveting conversation:

GUY: "Is this a real jacket?"

ME: "Yes."

Monday, May 26, 2014

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

GLUTEN SUFFERING FRIENDS

I was away over the weekend and I saw this dude. So did thousands of other people as they walked by. Most people pretended he was invisible. I didn't.

I pulled out five bucks and showed it to him.

He nodded.

I asked if I could trade him the five dollars for a picture of him.

He nodded.

I've seen lots of bums in my day (::winkwink::) but I have never quite seen one with such a compelling sign.

Was it genius? Or not so genius?

I'm leaning towards genius and here's why...

I'm gonna assume that most women would be frightened by this creep...so regardless of what his sign said they wouldn't stop and give him spare change anyhow.

Now we have the other half of the population.

I'm thinking this homeless hobo makes some good money per day...it's just SOOOOOO wrong but yet somehow very funny.

SAVE THE WHALES? Not another glance.

FREE TIBET? Huh?

HELP OUR GLUTEN SUFFERING FRIENDS? Eh?

But SAVE CAMEL TOES????

Five bucks. Everytime.

-------

PS: My greatest fear about this whole episode is that my homeless hobo friend can't read and he asked some 'friend' of his to make the sign for him. (Homeless guy probably wanted his sign to read: HELP OUR GLUTEN SUFFERING FRIENDS)

Greatest practical joke ever? Possibly.



Wednesday, May 14, 2014

We'll call this story Mount Fuji because I don't know how to spell Mount Kilimanjaro


Sometimes at my shop people will ask to use the bathroom. The vast majority of them use it the way it's supposed to be used.

But I'm always on Bathrrom Alert after someone uses it. I'd hate for it to be gross when the next person goes in....so I always check it right after someone is done (after they leave the store, of course)

For some reason kids don't always flush the toilet.  I put that in the gross category.

How does a parent put up with a kid that doesnt flush? I don't want to see his urine!!

I especially don't want to see his poop.

And now here comes the story:

The other day a fat little cretin asked to use my bathroom. I said yes.

He went in and very quickly afterwards he was done.  WHEW!

No cleaning up a big potty for me.  But I checked the bathroom anyhow after he left.

The motherfucker left me a gigantic bowel movement in the toilet!

I looked at it. I was angry.

How does someone just leave that in my toilet???

Then I looked again. It was huge. I looked again.

I was shocked at what I saw....or should I say what I didn't see???

There was no toilet paper in the bowl!!!

He left me a Mount Fuji and he didnt use toilet paper!!!!!

Who does that?

I'll tell you who does that...Fat Little Cretins do that!!