Crazy Jason and Ziggy

CRAZY JASON: "Do you know Ziggy the cartoon strip?"

ME: "I know of it...yes."

CRAZY JASON: "Well, he's subliminally promoting smoking."

ME: "How do you figure?"

CRAZY JASON: "Ziggy....Ciggy. Cigarette. Smoking."

Crazy Jason and The People's Court

CRAZY JASON: "Do you know The People's Court and shows like them?

ME: "I know of them...yes."

CRAZY JASON: "Well, real judges are going to overturn every single one of those cases."

ME: "Interesting."

Crazy Jason and the mail

CRAZY JASON: "Did you get your mail today?"

ME: "Yup."

CRAZY JASON: "Well, I didn't!"

ME: "Do you normally get lots of mail?"

CRAZY JASON: "Yes...but I didn't get any today!"

ME: "Maybe there was just no mail for you."

CRAZY JASON: "Well, they should have sent me a letter to tell me there would be no mail!"

ME: "Yup."

Probably the best story you'll read this weekend.

(Nov. 6) -- Allison Henry isn't the first to suffer from a horrifying medical condition that few women talk about. But her case was particularly bad, and she's just one of the few brave souls willing to come forward so that others will have the courage to seek help.

To put it bluntly, as Henry does: "My vagina fell out of my body."


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FOR THE FULL STORY:

http://www.sphere.com/2009/11/06/woman-reveals-health-horror-my-vagina-fell-out/?icid=main|htmlws-main-w|dl1|link4|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sphere.com%2F2009%2F11%2F06%2Fwoman-reveals-health-horror-my-vagina-fell-out%2F

Nuff Said

The Fort Hood Shooter and Broccoli

Is shooting and killing thirteen people deranged?

Perhaps.


The following is the part that jumped out at me:


:::::::She said Hasan gave her frozen broccoli, spinach, T-shirts and shelves on Wednesday, then returned Thursday morning and gave her his air mattress, several briefcases and a desk lamp.:::::::::::


That's deranged.

You're about to fire up hell on an army base but first you make sure you get rid of your broccoli??

And not just any kind of broccoli.

Frozen Broccoli.

Kudos to The New York Yankees!

Pretend like this says something clever about The Phillies and Dynamite.

Just play the goddamn game!

ME: "You're starving to death...what do you eat...a dog or a cat?"

WIFEY: "Neither."

ME: "You HAVE to pick one. You're starving to death...cat or dog?"

WIFEY: "I'm not eating a cat or a dog."

ME: "You don't have to kill it...it will be prepared. Cat or dog?"

WIFEY: I am not going to eat a cat or dog. That's gross!"

ME: "You're on an island. You're starving to death! A cat. Or a dog?"

WIFEY: "I'm not eating a cat or a dog."

ME: "Do you want some popcorn?"

WIFEY: "No thank you."

This is it.

ME: "Did you go see the new Michael Jackson movie?"

GUY: "Who plays Michael?"

Crazy Jason and Gary Gygax

CRAZY JASON: "Do you know Gary Gygax?"

ME: "I know of him...why?"

CRAZY JASON: "Is he from Hungary?

ME: "I'm not sure."

Crazy Jason and Yogi Bear

CRAZY JASON: "Who would win in a fight...The Hulk or Yogi Bear?"

ME: "I don't know...what do you think?"

CRAZY JASON: "Well, if Yogi was a Koala I'd say Yogi."

ME: "Thank you."

Boyfriend Jeans

You might want to do a google image search on "boyfriend jeans"

These are possibly worse than the Capri scare of 2003-2009.

Deadlier than the (luckily short-lived) Croc infestation of 2008.

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Dear Women of all shapes and sizes,

You won't look good in these!

Don't wear them!!

Love,
I AINT NO OPRAH

Dear UNICEF,

Next year please keep your begging mulattos away from my house.

Thank you in advance!

LOVE,
I AINT NO OPRAH.


(I'm probably in trouble for today's post, huh?)

What to say to Trick or Treaters!!

Don't like talking to trick or treaters?

Don't know what to say to them?

Use this handy Cheat-Sheet of time-honored classics:

1) "Aren't you ADORABLE!! Hey Honey, come here and look at this Cutie!"

2) "OHHHH!! Scary!!!"

3) "And what are YOU supposed to be?"

4) "Aren't you kinda old to be trick or treatiing??"

5) "We're out of candy...would you like a penny or a band-aid"

6) "You're out kinda late, huh?"

7) "Oh, look, our first Batman!" (19th Batman)

8) "Oh, look, our first Princess!" (27th Princess)

9) "HOBO!"

10) "GET OFFA MY LAWN!!!"

Or maybe this one?

Best song of the 1980s (because I said so!)

MASH-UPS

I've gone my whole life without hearing the term 'mash-up'.

But now all of a sudden in the last two weeks I've heard it fourteen or eighteen times!! Maybe nineteen times!

STOP WITH THE MASH-UPS! (does Federal Express get angry at this??)

The only thing I want mashed up is my potatoes.

And butternut squash. Little brown sugar. Lots of butter.





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