Tuesday, May 09, 2006

King of the douchebag birds.



If you don't like swearing you might want to go look at another blog...this one is about to contain the words: motherfucker,prickbastard,son-of-bitch armless flying rats, and I think asshole.

4:27 am it starts. It always starts at 4:27am in the spring. The King of the Douchebag birds starts his daily instructions to the rest of the douchebag birds. And it's always the same. Make noise and crap on Steve's fence. Motherfuckers. Every one of these prickbastard, son of a bitch armless flying rats starts making noise and sitting on my fences and craps out this white fecal matter....what the heck are these asshole birds eating that makes their poop white? Abba zabas? Yogurt? It makes me sick. And they wake me up. Every morning. Starting at 4:27 by the King of the Douchebag birds. Is he actually giving them different instructions? I don't think so.

1. Wake up Steve

2. Crap on his fence.

And watch these douchebag birds someday...they can't even walk, they kinda hop. Jerks.

If for some reason you notice tomorrow there are no more birds there is a good chance I killed them all.

And don't get me started on CornDog Monday.

16 comments:

cake said...

It's too bad you can't get them to crap evenly all the way along the top; you know, for a nice, white striped appearance.

::ducking::

(Oh sorry, maybe I shouldn't duck...don't want you mistaking me for a bird and coming after me with a weapon.)

Lois Lane said...

Well, at least you should feel honored that its the *King* of the douchebag birds giving out the orders. Obviously, he respects you enough not to farm out the responsibility to a minion...

cake said...

I wish I'd been able to work "goose-stepping" into my earlier comment in honor of this bird-themed post - would've been a real feather in my cap.

PS
I don't see the word "asshole" in your post. Liar.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Second paragraph...half way down.

cake said...

Oh.

Goddamnit.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Watch the language.

cake said...

Shit, sorry about that.

sweary mcpottymouth said...

So, you use these birds to wash your vagina?

Momenger said...

I like birds. They sing, they sit on Snow White's shoulders, help her with her housework... Your problem is that you have Alfred Hichcock's birds hanging around your yard. Tough gang-the Crips won't even mess with them.

Momenger said...

And by the way, sorry I've been absent so long. Someone by the name of "Cable Bill" was messing with my computer. So I made him an offer he couldn't refuse. And I'm up and running again-and it didn't require a horse's head.

cake said...

Momenger! Welcome back!

I tried to keep things in order - but it was very difficult. See how much I've had to post in your absence!? I can go back to slacking now.

::phew::

Momenger said...

Thanks anticake-you made my day. But no slacking allowed...As Thomas Jefferson said "Slacking is for Slackers." Or something like that.

And by the way, Hi nooprah! Missed you!

Momenger said...

Thanks anticake-you made my day. But no slacking allowed...As Thomas Jefferson said "Slacking is for Slackers." Or something like that.

And by the way, Hi nooprah! Missed you!

Momenger said...

Hey-

I just noticed that I only screwed up once by publishing my post twice.

I'm practically a computer wizard! I expect that Bill Gates will be calling at any moment now.

Anonymous said...

Your are Nice. And so is your site! Maybe you need some more pictures. Will return in the near future.
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