Monday, July 17, 2006

The Dance. The Girl. The Favor. The Horror. The Solution.

Back in Junior High (Middle School) me and Hoag took our ladies to a school dance. While they were in the girls room doing whatever girls do together in the girls room, me and Hoag were approached by Gail (real name)....here is what happened next.

Gail obviously excited and breathing heavy asks Hoag if he'll do her a favor. Hoag says sure not having any idea what is about to happen. Gail motions for the three of us to sit in this row of chairs. We do. She then puts her hand up her skirt, does some fishing around with belts or adhesive or whatever was used back then and balls up a used Kotex® brand maxi-pad and hands it to Hoag and asks if he'll get rid of it for her (why she didn't just go in the girls room we'll never know.) Seems Gail met a guy and she wants to have sex or something. She also know that the Kotex® brand maxi-pad is sure to be a turn off for said sex partner.

So now Hoag has this giant Kotex® in his hand and I'm not sure he even knows what it is (I have an older sister...he has a younger one)....so what does Hoag do? He hands the freakin' thing to me! I don't even like shaking someone's hand and now I'm holding a bloody used Kotex® brand maxi pad and the panic starts setting in. We start playing a round or two of hot potato and even that doesn't help our horror subside. We can't get caught with a used Kotex®. We just can't.

And then we spot the solution:

The teachers coat rack.

The balled up Kotex® fits perfect in the French teacher's coat sleeve.

Moral of the story:
If a girl asks for a favor at a dance and then puts her hand up her skirt there is a good chance she'll want you to dispose of her soiled feminine hygiene products.

13 comments:

Cake said...

Somewhere, Gail's telling a different version of this story:

"So I bet $20 that I could get them to take the bloody pad from me...and they did! Can you believe that? So gross!"

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Wrong. And I have plenty of other Gail stories to back it up.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

US???? Gail is the one who is(was) sick.

We were just there to dance. Free Kotex® was not stated on the ticket.

Cake said...

I think putting it in the French teacher's sleeve makes you two honorary sickos.

Lois Lane said...

Someone has to say it...

Oh, that Hoagy!

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/

I Ain't No Oprah said...

The French teacher was a fall down douchebag drunk.

He's now dead.

Anonymous said...

well, they couldnt put it back where it came from...

Anonymous said...

Le Pew!

Anonymous said...

"well, they couldnt put it back where it came from... "

The supermarket?

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Not the supermarket...the fields of Kotex® outside of Kansas.

Cake said...

Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kotex anymore...

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Toto and Dorothy must have crossed the border into Tampax®.

Huge fields of it....it grows wild for miles and miles. Needs tons of rain beccause it's so absorbent.

But at least you can hike and swim there.

Anonymous said...

Awesome!
I wonder if the French teacher
unknowingly reached into his pocket and blew his nose with it or something.