Thursday, March 01, 2007

I almost had a car accident.

This morning.

And nobody cares.

Telling someone that you ALMOST had a car accident is worse than telling someone about a dream you had.

Almost had a car accident stories are the all time worst stories. Why? BECAUSE NOTHING HAPPENS. You DIDN'T HAVE A CAR ACCIDENT!!! And neither did most people that day.

Don't tell me about it. Nothing happened. And I certainly don't want to hear a story with the punchline of nothing happening. So go crack up your car and tell me about it....I'll be all severed ears. But if you avoid said accident maybe you can go write it in your diary. Though even Dear Diary doesn't care.

(I once dreamed about almost having a car accident....I almost crashed into a vat of pudding after said vat sprouted wings. Or something. Thank god I swerved, huh?)

16 comments:

The Virgin Heavy Helen said...

I almost got pregnant with Jesus, but God picked the other chick. Muttered something about cankles. Omniscient, divine beings! They're ALL alike!

(Glad you didn't get all road killy. Mighta messed your hair up.)

cake said...

I had this dream where you blogged about how you almost had a car accident...I woke up yawning.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I almost had a dream you posted about an accident that didn't happen.

And you had wings.

and pudding.

cake said...

I almost had a dream that you posted about the dream I almost had about you blogging about an accident you almost had and...

Oh never mind.

Now I want pudding!

Lois Lane said...

I had a dream pudding with wings wrote a blog about baseball and then I fell asleep in the dream because I don't like numbers and then I got hit in the head with a baseball and passed out while I was asleep in my dream and the car swerved because the pudding didn't know how to drive and...

Wait. Where am I? This isn't Weather.com...

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I had a dream I smacked Lois upside the head and pudding ran out of her ears.

And the sockets her wings used to be.

cake said...

I had a dream that giant puddings had taken over the governments of Canada and the United States.

Oh, wait...

Anonymous said...

I had a dream that my four children were living in a nation where they were not judged by the content of their skin, but by the color of their pudding.

Those that didn't like butterscotch were sold for medical experiments.

-- Lamont Cranston

rat said...

I loooooove butterscotch.

But I know at least two people who don't...for $1, I'll rat 'em out.

cake said...

Who is it, Rat? C'mon, tell us.

Rat said...

Where's my $1?

cake said...

Oh, very well.

::hands over a $1 bill::

rat said...

*points*

It's NoOprah and Roger! Get 'em!

Roger the Shrubber said...

ewww Butterscotch pudding is disgusting!!!

::throws up in mouth::

Lois Lane said...

Ow! Hey!

Why is there butterscotch pudding in my ears?

motheragawd said...

Here's a story in which nothing much happens. I was second in line at the TF Green airport Dunkin Donuts on Sunday morning at 5 AM, waiting for it to open. First in line is Don Orsillo.
"Hey", I said. "I sure hope you're getting on a plane to Fort Myers. Because that would mean it's baseball season."
"I sure am," he said. "And it is."
"Really," I said, "I'd rather see you than a groundhog anytime."
To which he replied, "Huh?"
(I don't know, it made sense to me.) Anyway, Don Orsillo had a nice off-season, went to Italy (his father has a house in Rome), and is really looking forward to this season. Thinks it's gonna be a great year for the Sox. Me, too. (I didn't go to Italy. I went to Los Angeles. Where I remain.)

Okay, back to pudding.