Wednesday, April 11, 2007

I wish I didn't learn this.

I was watching the History Channel last night and they were doing a show about what people did before toilet paper.

All sorts of weird things. That's what.

But the thing that really freaked me was corn cobs. Corn. Cobs.

Seems folks would feed their pigs with corn on the cob. After the pigs were done eating the people would take the discarded cobs and soak them in water until they were really soft and then use that to wipe themselves.

THEY WIPED THEMSELVES WITH CORN COBS!!!! (corn cobs chewed on by pigs I might add)

And then what did they do with them? Feed those to the retarded pigs? Reuse them? Bury them? Play touch football with them?

Did the bathroom just have a big bucket of soaking corn cobs next to whatever they sat on? Did the whole family use the same cob? For how long?

I'm sure all these questions were answered but once I heard that people used corn cobs I switched the TV off.

And then I went into the bathroom and bowed to Jenny Cottonelle...

15 comments:

Lois Lane said...

Thank God for TP!

I mean, really....can you imagine what flushing a corn cob down the toilet would do to your plumbing system?

cake said...

Bloody hell, this is really going to taint corn on the cob for me this summer.

Thanks a lot, NoOprah.

Jayne said...

What if you slipped on a rogue wet tile when wiping with the corn on the cob and ended up with more than you bargained for? They must have been tricky times. I'd have thought cabbage leaves would have been more effective. I might try it.

Horroru said...

How barbaric!
I usually just use any comic with art by Rob Liefeld.

stuckwithacomb said...

Corns okay.

Rough anus said...

Corn cobs rock!

Lois Lane said...

Horroru:

Gads! I would never use a comic by Rob Liefeld for such a purpose. You'd probably get a horrible--and poorly drawn--rash! :-)

cake said...

Lois is my hero!

Anonymous said...

Being a city kid, I don't have much opportunity to commune with corn cobs. But in the interest of participatory reporting, I decided to go with the next best thing -- a handful of popcorn.

Today's helpful hint for those wishing to duplicate my efforts: Get the unsalted.

Trust me on this one.

-- Lamont Cranston

mrs. bacon ace said...

is this where "corn-hole" comes from?

Lois Lane said...

Lamont's comment for today is reason 364 why I am glad I no longer live in New York. Them Empire State folks is a bunch of retards.

Here in Massachusetts, no one would try such a thing.

Well, okay. Maybe with caramel corn, and only when the moon is full.

cake said...

"...only when the moon is full."

Given the subject matter, there's GOT to be a joke in that statement...I just can't quite get to it.

bacon ace said...

I just use Rob Liefeld himself.

"YOU SIT IN THAT CORNER ROB! YOU SIT AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU TRIED TO PASS OFF AS ART UNTIL MY ANUS IS MOIST AND IN NEED OF YOU AGAIN!"

It's the only way he'll learn.

Anonymous said...

I would never use carmel corn, regardless of the phase of the moon.

Using carmel corn will result in your being gluteus to your seateus.

-- Lamont Cranston

Anonymous said...

Hmmm I wonder....

If you used a cob that there was a kernal of corn left on it and it fell off the cob and stuck, Would it pop when you farted?