Esquire magazine does a feature every month where a celebrity lists Things They've Learned.
I'm gonna do mine. I think I'll make them the real things I've learned instead of made up humorous things I didn't really learn.
THINGS I'VE LEARNED:
1. The amount of shaving cream to use is roughly the size of a golf ball (learned that from Hoag's Dad circa 1976)
2. Lefty loosey, righty tighty.
3. When starting your car, let the engine run for 20 seconds or so before shifting into gear. It gets the oil in needed parts of the engine and cuts down on engine wear.
4. Never tell a woman she has a big ass no matter how big it is. EVER.
5. Never count the Yankees out....until they're out.
6. There are no lucky numbers. Except #17 on a roulette table.
7. The lottery is for suckers.
8. Daniel Craig is a better James Bond than Connery.
9. Cosmetic surgery is fine. Just don't let them near your eyes. Right Hoag?
10. Paying with cash during rush hour on the Turnpike is faster than FASTLANE, except on weekends.
11. My Mom was the nicest person I ever met. Wifey's Mom was more fun.
12. Tony Bennet couldn't carry Sinatra's toy train set.
13. Buying a pair of Levi's is the single easiest thing to do in life. There are NO surprises with Levi's. Unless you switch numbers. Stick with the 550s.
What have you learned? I'm sure you bitches will make stuff up....this I've learned.