1. First off, I'd saddle up all of these grandmas and ship their asses out of Boston.
2. Then I'd take that Coney Island Maniac, Julian Tavares, and put him in the bullpen. He would be replaced by Kason (when the Schill comes back)
3. Then I'd take Wily Mo Pena and stick a ballpeen hammer in his eye (actually I'd just trade his butt to Baltimore for Kevin Millar)
4. The hitting coach? The Red Sox have a hitting coach? I hadn't noticed.
5. JD Drew? First I'd get him some new summer dresses and see how that works. If that does no good maybe I'd just have him get his vagina cleaned or whatever the heck it is they do to mens vaginas.
6. Lugo? Kidney punch!
And those are my 6 surefire ways of jump starting this pathetic excuse for a baseball team.