Wednesday, July 25, 2007

"I'm sexy...not like they say!"

There is a fairly nice restaurant within walking distance of my house. So a few weeks ago I was there by myself while Wifey was away with the kids. On the way back I had to walk thru the parking lot out back to get home and I noticed how beautifully landscaped it was. Nicely groomed rolling hills. Trees. Nice lighting fixtures. Attractive fencing.

And a few private areas. (uh-oh)

So anyhow, when Wifey gets back home I mentioned how nice it is back there and that some night on our stroll back home (we stroll) we should find one of those nice areas and make sweet love out in the moonlight....you know, in the parking lot. She laughed and then the commercial was over and we went back to TV and we didn't bring it up again.

For a while.

So then this ex-neighbor that we haven't seen in five years came by to visit, and when she saw the back of the neighborhood resturant she said:

EX NEIGHBOR: "You should be careful....all the kids in the neighborhood are gonna be having sex out here."

Then Wifey told her of my grand scheme and they both laughed at me.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

When a commercial comes on the TV weigh the merits of the mentioned product and keep your childish sex fantasies to yourself. And don't go to that restaurant on Buddy Nite.

18 comments:

cake said...

"And don't go to that restaurant on Buddy Nite."

You don't want to explore that nicely landscaped parking lot with Hoagy? He'll be so crushed.

Anonymous said...

"When a commercial comes on the TV weigh the merits of the mentioned product and keep your childish sex fantasies to yourself."

What would you do if you were watching a cable channel and a condom ad was shown?

Me, I'll take talking about sex fantasies over weighing the merits of toilet paper any day.

For instance, I've always wanted to do the nasty on a large pile of shredded Little Lulu comics in the middle of a closed comic book store...

-- Lamont "Harvey Comics are Super Absorbant" Cranston

Lois Lane said...

Goddamn it, there goes my hysterical blindness again...

bostongraf said...

Get a DVR. Fast forward through the commercials. Problem solved.

Oh, and set up a video camera in that parking lot.

cake said...

"Oh, and set up a video camera in that parking lot."

Took the words right out of my mouth. Hello, YouTube!

Anonymous said...

bet all the neighborhood rats have sex there, too!

rat said...

"bet all the neighborhood rats have sex there, too!"

Yup.

Anonymous said...

EX NEIGHBOR: "You should be careful....all the kids in the neighborhood are gonna be having sex out here."

Why "be careful"? Does this mean they're gonna have sex and then become crazy Children of the Corn who run around with reaping equipment (and accessories)?

Whatever. It's good for them to get out in the nice, fresh air.

Lamont's fantasy is disturbing. Maybe it's the shredding Little Lulu part. It's kind of hamsterlike and also inscrutable. Why shredded? To avoid Little Lulu's shocked, reproachful gaze?

Moina

Moina is a dyke said...

Dont think we cant tell

trust me she's not a dyke said...

Barking up the wrong tree.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I'm not a tyke anymore, but well do I remember those happy, carefree days of my childhood...Oh. I see. Dyke. Nope! You are barking up the wrong tree. But, thanks for the compliment.

Cheers,
Moina

little lulu said...

Unhand me, you rascal!

confused dutchman said...

Moina is an embankment or wall built to keep water from flooding land?!

penis for dinner said...

All I know is that Moina was with me last night.

And the night before.

Anonymous said...

I feel bad for that neighborhood restaurant...little does it know that it's got penis on its menu now. And more.

Clinky said...

If the shrubbery is rockin', don't bother knockin'!


(Which begs the question: has anyone heard from Roger the Shrubber?)

Anonymous said...

Moina:

First, why did you cast off the "Myrna" label? William Powell would be so disappointed.

Second: The shredding is just for comfort's sake. Shredded comics are fluffier, y'know?

Third, that word was "fluffier", not "fluffer."

And finally: Hopefully the shreds are large enough that Little Lulu's visage is still visible. Otherwise, what would be the point?

I mean, if the pieces were tiny, it could jolly well be The Incredible Hulk. And that...

that would just be sick.

-- Lamont "Not a Dyke Either, But I Play One on TV -- And No, That Does NOT Mean Transvestite" Cranston

Anonymous said...

Lamont:

I see! Likewise, big shreds of Duplex Planet--while genius and equally nestworthy--would throw you off your game. Thanks for spillanin', and here is a perfectly made Sidecar. To William Powell. And, um, Little Lulu.

Cheers,
Myrna "Not an embankment or wall built to keep water from flooding land--not that there's anything wrong with that" Loy