Thursday, August 16, 2007

Homegrown terrorism

There is a report out today about 'Homegrown terrorists' and what they do and where they hang out.

Some of the places listed on where they might hang out:

Internet cafes

College campuses

Coffee shops

Pooka bars

'Where cab drivers hang out' (I'm not making that up)

Mosques



___________________

Dear FBI,

Check the pooka bars first. Just a hunch.

Love,
Steve

PS
And the mosques second.

19 comments:

Sparkle Plenty said...

Dear Mr. Homeland Security Guards,

I'm pretty sure you meant to say "hookah bars." No, I don't mean "ladies of the evening"--my regional accent is not that thick. Hookah bars.

You worry me. Like many security guards, do you like to partake of "the homegrown" on your breaks and wander around making scary faces with your flashlights? Does this make you come up with words like "pooka" which you then repeat in funny voices, making each other helplessly giggle?

Love,
Here, Let Me Put Your Bullets in My Pocket

PS Check ebay...you can find everything there.

harvey the rabbit said...

Whatcha got against pookas?!

cake said...

I think listing coffee shops as a hangout is just an excuse for the homeland security cops to visit coffee shops and get a donut.

If I were them, I'd also have listed movie theatres, pubs, nice restaurants, cottages, bookstores....and then checked them all very thoroughly, of course.

Lois Lane said...

Maybe they should just Google "where are the evildoers?" Or stand the the park yelling "Here terrorists, terrorists....here terrorists. Come on, I've got waffles!"

On second thought, that would probably just attract squirrels.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I've been informed by the feds that it's spelled 'puka bar' not 'pooka bar'.

I'm just glad they're on the job...

harvey the rabbit said...

I love pooka bars!

What? Puka?

Oh, no, not those. Those little umbrellas they put in the drinks kinda scare me.

Anonymous said...

Wait...

Puka bars, like puka shells?

Those Hawaiian shells?

I KNEW Don Ho was up to no good! Sure, I cried like everyone else when he died, but now...

Tiny bubbles, man. I can see it. It's all there in the lyrics -- 9/11, the bombing of the marine barracks in Lebanon, Barry Bonds breaking the home run record...

We should have taken him out long ago.

-- Lamont Cranston

P.S. Actually, I thought that pooka bars were those things Bella Emberg enjoys alongside a cuppa. Maybe SHE'S in cahoots with al Quaeda in Honolulu?

Sparkle Plenty said...

Lois: You've done it again, ace. I googled "where are the evildoers" and I came up with "Jihad Jerry & The Evildoers" outta Yonkers. This holy war's got a good beat...and you can dance to it! http://www.myspace.com/jihadjerryandtheevildoers

Cake: I'm going to go look for terrorists in a bag of Fritos.

Lamont: Did Don Ho kill Yogi Berra?

Harvey: Quite right. I once drank a "Suffering Bastard" and pukaed.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

The smart FEDS have corrected me and the stupid feds.

It's Hookah bars.

(Sparkle thinks she's so smart, not like they say)

There is something called a puka bar...sounds way more fun the a terrorist hooch hut.

Sparkle Plenty said...

crunch, crunch I dunno. I'm still expecting to find some terrorists in this bag of Fritos. Let me dig a little deeper. (Note: I'm definitely my family's Fredo. sigh But, if we're doing Marx Brothers, I'm more of a Harpo!)

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I had you pegged as Zeppo.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Honk honk!

harvey the rabbit said...

How many hookas could a puka pooka suck if a puka pooka could suck hookahs?

cake said...

Lemme get this straight...so far today we've blamed homegrown terror on the following:

- pookas
- puka bars
- water-pipes
- Boston hookahs
- squirrels
- Don Ho
- Bella Emberg
- Jihad Jerry & The Evildoers
- fritos
- the Marx Bros

Am I missing anything?

Anonymous said...

Hoagy

Elwood P Dowd said...

Here, take my card. Call me at this number, not that one!

Chocolate freak said...

I want a Nestle's Puka Bar.

music freak said...

I love pulka music!

Sparkle Plenty said...

Uh-oh. I think I overlooked something important today:

1) Sgt. Puka's Lonely Heart Club Band
2) Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me and My Harvey