Friday, August 03, 2007

Why the Red Sox are better than the Yankees.

(Easiest blog I've ever had the pleasure to write)

1. Red Sox do not suck. Yankees do.

2. Yankees play in a 'House That Ruth Built"...The Red Sox play in a place built by men using steel and brick.

3. Red Sox have Mike Lowell. The Yankees have a guy named Whore-hey.

4. The Red Sox smell of victory. The Yankees smell of stank.

5. The Red Sox have a magic number of 47 (I think)....The Yankees smell of stank.

6. The Red Sox ownership is young and vibrant. The Yankees have a doddering old fool behind the curtain.

7. The Red Sox support the Jimmy Fund and hope to find the cure for cancer. The Yankees spike their stadium food with cancer causing hot doggyness.

8. The Red Sox love kittens. The Yankees love stank.

9. The Red Sox are 8 games up. The Yankees are 8 games back.

10. Nothing for #10.

28 comments:

cake said...

Oh now, #8 isn't exactly true. The Yankees love kittens...for a light snack.

(I can't wait for Lamont to show up. This is gonna be good!)

bacon ace said...

I went to a vintage Japanese toy store in SF a few days ago run by an elderly japanese man. He was was wearing a Yankees hat. When we told him we were from Boston he politely removed his hat and told us how much he like Daisuke. Now that's service!

Lois Lane said...

Oh, that is good customer service! I hope you bought something there to reward him.

Of course, locally, if you tell a Boston Red Sox cap-wearing collectibles store proprietor that you're from New York, they'll spit on you and take your Crocs.

That's just our way of showing the love.

bostongraf said...

#11 Red Sox have Fenway Franks. Yankees have Yankee Stank.

#12 The Red Sox have beards.

March 27 said...

How original.

August 3rd said...

Fuck you you asshole.

(Yankee prick)

bacon ace said...

"I hope you bought something there to reward him."

I think between my friend and I we paid his lease for at least a month.

cake said...

Dear March 27 and August 3:

Can't we all get along? Now, c'mon, kiss and make up.

Augsut 3rd said...

I don't kiss me no March 27ths.

They stank. And have the penis.

August 3rd said...

Yeah. What he said!

maddog said...

The yankees had a player with a middle name of f'n. The Red Sox don't.

cake said...

August 3:

You know what they say about someone who's REALLY defensive about something...

august 4th said...

I'll see you jerks tomorrow.

the penis said...

"They stank. And have the penis."

Whoa...What's wrong with having "the me?"

the penis said...

My infrastructure is 100% sound!

august 5 said...

You jerks won't even see me coming.

cake said...

Damn, someone said "infrastructure."

::takes a drink...and then a second one::

august 16th said...

I'm just too sad to even talk.

*sniffle*

august 2nd said...

How do you think I feel? I'm yesterday's news.

*sniffle*

august 32nd said...

Yeah?

Well, at least people believe in you.

August 0 said...

Me...I'm just a cipher. I feel so null and void...Hold me.

february 29th said...

I hate you all !

april 1 said...

At least you're not just a joke.

september 11 said...

Oh ya? Well I'm tainted forever...pity me !!

Anonymous said...

Bloody hell. I take a day off to read "Deathly Hallows" and I miss out on the Yankees/Red Sox cat fight!

I'm tired right now, so I can't offer much more than...

1. Red Sox fans spend their time wishing their team could be like the Yankees. Yankees fans spend their time wishing their team could live up to being the Yankees. The state of the Red Sox is, at best, an afterthought.

2.-10. Nothing for numbers two through ten. What else needs to be said?

-- Lamont "Asshole in Pinstripes Who Wishes He Were Less Tired So He Could Come Up With A Better Top Ten" Cranston

Anonymous said...

1. As a Yankee fan, I have to defer to NoOprah’s expertise on baseball teams that suck. His chosen team has much more experience in such matters than mine.

2. Ah, we can agree on something – oh, wait, did he say Fenway was built with BRICKS? Never mind.

3.Whore-hey has been batting around .330 all year. He’s not now, of course – it’s August, and this catcher has managed to pull his average up to .340, a figure Carlton Fisk could only dream about. And… how does Mike Lowell like his opportunities to drive Coco Crisp in? Lotsa RBI opportunities there, baby…

4. One World Series ring in 80+ years does not impart the smell of victory. The Florida Marlins have two, and they still smell like game fish.

5. And the Red Sox have no history whatsoever of coughing up seemingly impenetrable mid-summer leads. No sirrie. It can’t happen here. Number nine, number nine, number nine… Turn me on, Dead Sox…

6. Mmm-hmm. In 25 years, that doddering old fool has brought six World Series rings and a multitude of division and league titles to the Bronx. I’ll take that over the winning tradition exemplified by Dan Duquette and Grady Little any day. Salary dumping next year?

7. Once again a case of Gotham providing Beantown a reason to exist. Without our Cancerdogs, the Red Sox would be supporting funds that provide milk for lost kittens.

8. Well lookie at that!

9. Seven now, bucko. And The Red Sox were 14 games up not too long ago, before they decided to partake of a Boston tradition and fritter away the cushion.

10. The Yankees DO have something for #10. It’s called Hall of Famer Phil Rizzuto, whose number was retired by the Yankees in 1985. And under the same criteria, the Yankees have something for numbers 1, 3, 4, 6, so much for number 8 that they retired it in honor of two players, 9, 15, 16, 23, 32, 37, 44 and 49 – the most retired numbers in professional sports. And you can add both numbers 2 (when Derek Jeter eventually retires) and 42 (again, twice, for Jackie Robinson AND Yankees closer Mariano Rivera) to that list.

BONUS NUMBER 11 REASON WHY THE YANKEES ARE BETTER THAN THE RED SOX: With the exception of the Philly Fan-Addict, mascots suck. Wally The Green Monster is no exception. If New York fans want to watch a preposterous figure running around Yankee Stadium making an ass of himself, we have Rudy Giuliani.

-- Lamont "This List Goes To 11" Cranston

I Ain't No Oprah said...

12. Red Sox have won in the 21st century. Yankees haven't.

I win. Nyah, nyah.

Red rudi from de nort' countroodie said...

Yankees are imperialist pigs. Pipples who wearing red sox are champions of communistic revolution. We are must to support red soxed people in all strivings that they might overcome Yankee opression and hegemony.

Rudi is making congratulations to Nophra for his supporting of the proletariat in overcoming revaunchist Yankee criminality.