Monday, August 13, 2007

You'll see this bullet a mile away.

So we come home from a friends last night and Wifey goes into the 'family room' to turn on the TV while I go in the 'living room' to check emails and talk with my daughter (who is on computer).

Here is what you need to know:

1. The tuner on the TV in the 'family room' is a bit glitchy and you have to wiggle a cable in the back for a bit until the picture and sound comes on.

So anyhow I hear Wifey wigglin' the cable (sounds dirty , huh?) and I can hear this loud crackling static that usually happens until the cable is in the proper postion.....so I say to my daughter:

ME: "I'll give it 20 seconds until she swears"

DAUGHTER: ::nods:: basically ignores me.

ME: "one, two, three...

TV IN FAMILY ROOM: ::KrackleStaticKrackleKrackle::

DAUGHTER:: :::mesmorized by computer::

ME: "four, five, six, seven, eight....:::"

TV IN FAMILY ROOM: :::KrackleStaticKrackleStatic::

ME: "nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen,::

DAUGHTER:: ::Mesmorized by computer::

ME: "fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen..."

TV IN FAMILY ROOM: ::KrackleStaticKrackleStatic::

ME: "Nineteen, twent..."

WIFEY:: "GODDAMMITT!!!!"

ME AND DAUGHTER:: ::laughter....looks at each other....stronger laughter.....LAUGHTER!!! MORE LAUGHTER!!!!"

TV IN FAMILY ROOM: ::the clear sound of perfect reception and volume::


Moral of the story?

Making fun of Wifey with a daughter is better than a trip to DisneyWorld.

25 comments:

bostongraf said...

Moral of the story is that swearing at technology is the best way to get it to work.

Oh, and the making of wifey thing...

Sparkle Plenty said...

And, you hope to get more pancakes? Harrumph!

Lois Lane said...

Indeed. If you can't mock your family, who can you mock?

Aside from celebrities, the government, your friends, your pets, random strangers...

Anonymous said...

... sports icons, plumbers, people who come on during the last eight minutes of talk shows to hawk diet books, the Rutgers women's basketball team, foreigners who misspell words on signs and menus within their businesses...

-- Lamont "Curdled Milk of Human Kindness" Cranston

cake said...

I do most of my mocking on this blog, funny enough.

I'll give you an example..."Hey, Hoagy, nice shoes!" Or how about, "Hey, Lamont! Yankees suck!"

(Hmm, I don't seem to pick on Lois much...how sexist of me. I'll have to fix that.)

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Hey Lois, nice shoes!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Hey, Lamont, nice shoes!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Hey, Bacon Ace, nice shoes!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Hey, Sparkle, nice shoes!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Hey, Spud, nice shoes!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Hey, Boston Graf, nice shoes!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Hey, Hoag, fuck you you asshole.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Hey, Cake, nice shoes.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Hey, Bella/Jayne, Nice British shoes!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Hey, Clinky, nice shoes!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Hey, Paul(s), nice shoes!

IANOdoppleganger said...

Hey, Hoag, fuck you you asshole.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Hey, Maddog, nice shoes.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Hey, Yankees, you suck.

cake said...

Hey, NoOprah, nice hogging your own blog!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Did we run out of space?

heavy helen said...

Hey, Bond, you don't know a good Bond girl from a thin one!

cake said...

Hey, space, quit being so vacuumy and oxygenless!

mccartney said...

Hey Jude, don't be afraid...

What?

Oh, sorry.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Hey hey we're the monkees!
Hey hey hey! It's Faaaaat Albert!
HEY...YOU...GU-UYS!
Heydiddledee hididdledee ho, neighbor!