Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Why don't the British just speak English?

Ever notice that people from England don't speak the same language we do? We both call it English but I have no idea what they're talking about half the time.

They say stuff like:

"Pippins in the morning."

"Jolly poof biggins me Lady."

"Bollocks and sod to ya Mum."

"Bob's yer Uncle, ding dong Chatterly!"

"Have me some biscuits and chips, ladle me good."

"Piccadilly Lorry deliver me to Lords."

"How can you eat your meat when you don't have any pudding?"....Oh wait...that one is Pink Floyd.

"Lolly me blunders the whip of the wind flutters me bellows."


Or did I just do Scottish?

53 comments:

the queen said...

Damn colonies.

Lois Lane said...

Today's post is just your way of flirting with Jayne, isn't it?

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Dear Lois,

Was it that obvious?

She flutters me britches.

Redbeard76 said...

Big up ya, lad.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Hmm. It's too early in the day for him to be bladdered, so by jove, I think you're absobloodylutely right, Ace Reporter! Eeeeee, he's chatting Jayne up, the cheeky monkey--tremendously chuffed with himself, too, as well he should be. He's bloody Easter Bunny!

Abysinnia!
Sparkle

P.S. I think he's got a bat in his cave today--he should check that out!

cake said...

Pass the marmite, toast, and tea?

Thanks!

Lois Lane said...

Aye, the laddie be tumtiggerring the soddin' haggis around the loch, that he be. A wee dram would set him right.

Sparkle Plenty said...

HEY! Is "Redbeard" a PIRATE*? 'cause that would be way cool. Prior to today, there has been a lot of loose talk about pirates (as well as monkeys and bears), but never an ACTUAL pirate commenter. Garrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I'll bet anything that he's tumtiggering the sodden haggis 'round the loch**, too!

*If so, may I please call him "the dread pirate Redbeard"?
**Does this translate to "magooin' around"?

Anonymous said...

Sparkle:

Do you have proof that any of us are, in fact, NOT pirates?

For all you know, you might very well be the only NON pirate on the boards.

Lois:

"Tumtiggerring the soddin' haggis around the loch"? It's a good thing he owns his own business, because otherwise he'd be up on harassment charges. And nobody would know how to pronounce harassment -- HARassment, or harASSment?

At any rate, if he tumtiggers his sodden haggis around the loch too frequently, we can expect a pretty serious Bacon/Haggis lawsuit.

Cake:

Is marmite basically vegemite that is made out of marmosets? 'Cause that's just nasty. Seriously. Stick to the clotted cream and Cooper's Oxford. How's that ginger working out for you today?

Redbeard:

Wilkommen! Or however you say it in Viking. 'Cause my money is more on Viking than pirate. Unless you are a Viking pirate, which would be especially cool.

NoOprah:

Between the fluttering britches and the tumtiggerring, I trust you have a mop and disinfectant handy...

Queen:

So did God save you, or not?

Who Killed Bambi?

-- Lamont "Now You See Why I Don't Blog" Cranston

Sparkle Plenty said...

Oh, that's just the final straw. I am now compelled to feature Lamont in a Celebrity Commenterography. This is gonna take awhile.

Lamont: Could I be a pirate and I don't know it? Is there some kind of Jeff Foxworthylike "You might be a pirate if..." criteria that I should measure myself against? I know I don't have a wooden leg, an eyepatch, or a parrot.

Lois Lane said...

You might be a pirate if...

Your other car is a wooden ship.

You've called in sick to work because of scurvy.

If your kids don't finish the dinner, they walk the plank.

Your voice mail message is "Arrragh! Leave a message, landlubber. Arragh!"

You have a penchant for puffy shirts and eyeliner.

Anonymous said...

You might be a pirate if...

You refuse to get direct deposit, because you want your weekly pay to be delivered in pieces of eight.

You've ever wondered why more policitians aren't forced to walk their political planks.

You've ever referred to anyone you're not married to, or in a domestic partnership arrangement with, as "matey".

You keep getting turned down for department store Santa Clause gigs because your "Ho ho ho"s keep having a "Yo" slipped in front of them.

You watched "Gilligan's Island" and were obsessed with the idea of using the flayed epidermis of Alan Hale Jr. as a mainsail.

Your trick-or-treating partner disappeared on Nov. 1... right around the time a large cache of licorice raisin treats and Smarties was buried in your back yard.

You were busted for your trick-or-treating partner's disappearance, with the primary evidence being an elaborately illuminated map to your cache of goodies -- over which his evicerated body was arranged.

You thought Johnny Depp's most popular films were documentaries.

As a tot you thought butter was overrepresented in Butter Rum LiveSavers.

Your favorite moment in "Crocodile Dundee" is the part where Paul Hogan says "That's not a cutlass... THIS is a cutlass!" Well, that's the way YOU like to remember it, anyway...

You're convinced the three ships Columbus used to discover the Americas were the Nina, the Pinta, and the Crimson Avenger.

-- Lamont "Marco! Pantani! Marco! Pantani!" Cranston

cake said...

Lamont:

Vegemite!? Ewww!

(I'm done with ginger today...I've moved on to candy.)

Sparkle Plenty said...

Damn, you people are good.

Sparkle Plenty said...

You know, I'm not sure which is my favourite:
"Jolly poof biggins me Lady" OR
"Lolly me blunders the whip of the wind flutters me bellows."

I'm pretty sure that Jack Wilde said, "Jolly poof biggins me Lady" on H. R. Pufnstuf.

Jayne said...

Awrite me old mucker, now stop talkin' like an ol' chimney sweep.

I do beleive that you bugged my phone in order to get your phrases. You sly fox you.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Bugged your phone??

You mean I...?

'Dropped an eaves on your telly'

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I see a new game in the works. Take an American sentence and 'Brit it up'

How about:

I would like a hamburger, french fries, and a small coke.

cake said...

Blimey, pull me trousers and call me Jim but I've a hopping kish for some of them flappers and chips, maybe with a bob of the ole fizzy on the side!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

"i would like patty of drupe, pots d'mum, and a small carbed grabby."

I Ain't No Oprah said...

"Diggers me quest,pots with the flash, and a tip of the cools."

I Ain't No Oprah said...

"Slice of the Mad, strips of the root, and a small hobbity-bop."

Sparkle Plenty said...

"I fancy a flanny mcpan*, thicky crisps**, and a small Lilt, I do!"

Or "I would like a hamburger, french fries, and a small coke" would be fine, too.

*Popular in a very small village next to that other small village.
**Not crisps, not chips...thicky crisps...

cake said...

Baggled beef (rare, not stoshy), some of 'em trittered taters, and a gushy pull from the holy tap.

(And if this is a Brit recently moved to Canada, there'd be an "Eh" on the end, of course...I just figured that oot.)

I Ain't No Oprah said...

"A glip of tarn, smuugger of puzwangle, and a rip shoz of guzzle."

Anonymous said...

"Oi! Mooing in the round on a toasty and burn it like 1666, side of Gaullic secrets and lies, and a wee dram of Coke."

"Coke" is a universal term.

-- Lamont "Merrie Olde" Cranston

I Ain't No Oprah said...

" a grazer, a fill of tots, and a rock of bubs."

cake said...

Rare steezy, hot 'n thick in my booshy...served with some thicks'n'sizzle and a toot of my most bollish draggle!

Ta!

Sparkle Plenty said...

Cor blimey, ducks! Slaver me some bapped-up rump o' Wiggles, a packet of earthy-oil-ups, and a small parson's sneeze!

cake said...

Waitasec, am I gonna be in trouble for my part in this? The Queen is still my head of state, after all.

Oh blimey, I'm a troublesome bugger.

What if they exile me to the States?!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

"A club of cavern, greased toes, and a mott filled with hoople."

cake said...

Pop some Bessie on me shingle, there laddy, and top it up with a plate of your best oilies and a galosh's worth of drippy dash n' drink!

Anonymous said...

"A club of cavern, greased toes, and a mott filled with hoople."

John, Paul, George, Ringo and Stu said...

"That's the Best!"

-- Lamont "Twelfth Beatle" Cranston

Sparkle Plenty said...

Beatle me up a magpie, Pansy--there's a luv!

cake said...

G'over here, ye guttersnipe, I can't wait all day for me order of flat'n fatty, curly wags, and gullet-glencher!

Anonymous said...

Nonplussed Londoner said:

"Number one combination, and stop being such a wanker."

-- Lamont "Cut to the Chase" Cranston

cake said...

Suddenly I'm hungrier than a boshed 'n siggled wally in a waggle house!

Sparkle Plenty said...

Bodger m'codger, Cakie! I'm with you!

cake said...

Let's say we ditch this wrang toggle blog and find ourselves a nice little kit...get some of them fresh frazzled findangles, a side of corky workers, and maybe even share some pressed flake popples for dessert? Leave the rest of them here wallies to sort out their slappy dishfiggles!

(This is hurting my brain...pass the ginger wine? Thanks!)

I Ain't No Oprah said...

"Seer some flat, dip some mash, and top off my licks."

Sparkle Plenty said...

Dear Queen Jayne,

I suspect that we all secretly long to be British subjects again...

Benny Hill music kicks in as Sparkle chases off to make dinner, stomach growling

Love,
Sparkle

British Bobby said...

Now see here...wot's all this then?

"Tumtiggering"?
"Rare steezy, hot 'n thick in my booshy"?
"Top off my licks"?

I'll have an indecency complaint sworn out against you lot, I will. It's not nice, it's not.

the queen said...

Bless my corgis, you lot have been having a lot of blimey fun around these parts today, 'aven't ye!

As for you, Miss Cake, I expect you'll be turning your passport in right double quick. Don't make me send the High Commission after ye.

cake said...

Allo La Queen:

Quoi?

Bonjour!
Cake

I Ain't No Oprah said...

"Please me well with blood, root, and fizz."

Anonymous said...

"Double Corgi burger with a side of fried Corgi strips and a fizzy Corgi pop (small)."

-- Lamont "We Acknowledge No Royalty Save For The Osmonds" Cranston

I Ain't No Oprah said...

"A slap dop of ground, goldie hawns, and a topping of the poppermost"

I Ain't No Oprah said...

"Red tween buttocks,golden Rydell, and brown in the Thames."

Jayne said...

I'm laughing too much too comment any further.

cake said...

A big gold star to Jayne for being such a good sport!

(And a bolly wog of tastiness double dipped in raggedy sauce for me for rounding the comments on this post off to 50!)

Anonymous said...

Uh, Cake?

Do you have any idea of what "a bolly wog of tastiness double dipped in raggedy sauce" actually means?

Trust me, unless you've got a third job other than the two you write about, this is not something you should be saying is "for me."

Not that there's anything wrong with it... I just never knew anyone who would actually so nakedly admit that she wanted/had had it.

Actually, the mere fact that you are a "she" claiming that you want this is startling in and of itself... but perhaps I've said too much.

-- Lamont "Carnal Knowledge" Cranston

cake said...

Dear Lamont:

I came to work in fishnet stockings today.

Perhaps there's lots you folks don't know about me.

Love,
Cake

Sparkle Plenty said...

Double mrrrrow! (I hate it when my comments don't work.)