Monday, November 05, 2007

Beat Her Womb With Your Giant

I just got some "spam" (junk mail) and the subject box said: 'BEAT HER WOMB WITH YOUR GIANT'

Spam (junk mail) doesn't really bother me. Most of the time I just delete it. No harm done. Once in a while I'll open it because I love the broken English (and British) that's inside.

But today I had to decide....delete or BEAT HER WOMB WITH YOUR GIANT.

Why would anyone want to beat anyone's womb with a giant? Is that fun?

Who likes it the most? The one with the giant or the one with the womb?

Do women really want to date guys that want to beat their wombs with their giant? Does this womb beating bring pleasure? Or is it just another run of the mill beating?

Do women (or folks with wombs) like general beatings or just the kind that involve YOUR GIANT?

Does a woman with a giant womb need her beatings from someone with an even more gigantic Giant?

And when the heck did womb beating get so damn popular? Did I sleep through the whole fad? Was I not informed? Is it just card holders in the Giant club that were notified?

So many questions.

I wonder if a woman could beat a giant with her womb?

45 comments:

Jolly Green Giant said...

Come here you Ho Ho Ho. I'm gonna beat yer womb.

Paul Bunyon said...

Is it cool if I beat Babe's womb?

Giant Sized Man-Thing said...

'Nuff Said true believers. Excelsior!

Womb said...

Can't we all just get along?

cake said...

Oh baby, there's no better pick-up line than "Hey gorgeous, I got a giant at home, want your womb beaten?" I know that just gets me every damn time.

Waitasec, does this mean I have a giant fetish?

Your Giant said...

Naw you're just asking for it Womb ::beat beat beat::

Sparkle Plenty said...

These are all excellent questions. As a scientist, I am providing the following clear, well-supported answers:

Signs point to yes.
Yes.
Reply hazy, try again.
Without a doubt.
My sources say no.
As I see it, yes.
You may rely on it.
Concentrate and ask again.
Outlook not so good.
It is decidedly so.
Better not tell you now.
Very doubtful.
Yes - definitely.
It is certain.
Cannot predict now.
Most likely.
Ask again later.
My reply is no.
Outlook good.
Don't count on it.

Your Giant said...

Outta the way of my ranting posts Cake or your womb is next.

Your Giant said...

Oh you want some of this in your sparkly womb? ::beat beat beat::

cake said...

Stay the hell away from my womb!

::punches the giant where the sun don't shine::

a giant womb said...

BRING IT. Briiiiiing IT!

a womb with a view said...

Stop blockin' my view, you golldarn giant!

Your Giant said...

Giant Womb,
Baby, you know I only beat you because I just love you so much it hurts.

Cake said...

That's "woumb" retards.

cake said...

HEY! I was framed! Goddammit framing giants!

Totally Cake said...

You were not fraumed that was totally you. I mean me. DAMMIT!

cake said...

Now listen here, Cake poser...don't make me come over there with my giant, umm, giant-beating stick.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Psst--Cakie! Make the Fake Cake work for you today while you go to the movies!

Anonymous said...

Now, if it's a very small giant and a very large womb...

No. I admit it. I got nothing today. Although this reminds me of the time a very dear friend told me about some spam she received with the subject line "Elbow-deep Anal Fisting".

My response was to hold my forearm out at a 90-degree angle, wince, and say "I don't want something HALF that size elbow-deep in my ass."

A crowded train, headed for Brooklyn, was probably not the best venue for me to announce this. Even if it was -- and still is -- true.

I did manage to escape with my life -- and virtue -- intact.

-- Lamont "Well, I'm KINDA a Virgin" Cranston

bacon ace said...

Cake,
You have a weapon of redundancy?

Redbeard76 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I Ain't No Oprah said...

Dear Redbeard,

Why would YOU be worried? Little secret you care to share?

(Hey everyone...Redbeard is dude with a womb!! ::snicker::)

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Redbeard??? You deleted your comment?

REDBEARD!!! Come back!!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Redbeard? You get your fanny back here this instant!

Redbeard!!??

RED. BEARD!!!???

Sparkle Plenty said...

Come Back Shane! Ooh, I mean, Come Back Redbeard!

cake said...

Redbeard? Come back! We've driven the giants off, it's safe here again!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Dear RedBeard,

::holds out a bunch of free candy::

::wiggles it::

::the candy that is....wiggled the candy as a lure::

REDBEARD!!!

Redbeard76 said...

The viking pirate returns...

What I said before didn't come out how I wanted it to. No worries. No wombs here, just concerned for the fairer gender.

not really redbeard said...

Hey! I'm not really redbeard, but may I please have some free candy?

Redbeard76 said...

And just so you know IANO, fanny is British slang for women's private parts.

Sparkle Plenty said...

YAAY! The dread pirate Redbeard has returned!

(Pretty much nothin' I say comes out the way I want it to.)

Redbeard76 said...

Aww thanks sparkle. I didn't mean to cause a scene, I just went to lunch. Carry on, as you were.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Isn't there a candy maker named 'Fanny Farmer'

I wanna be a fanny farmer!

Sparkle Plenty said...

Hey, No Oprah! I just had the idea for a slim strip of foam that would be super handy to rest a computer "mouse" on. We could put all kinds of different pictures and graphics on 'em and maybe call 'em, I dunno "gatorpads" or somethin'? I'm pretty sure that these "gatorpads" are the wave of the future and poised for giant market penetration! Can we "rap" about this for awhile and do some "visioning"?

cake said...

Redbeard's back! And he called my sex fair!

Wait, that didn't come out right either...

Infrastructure!

Anonymous said...

Cake's a chick?

Lois Lane said...

I, um, ah....nope. I have nothing to say about this subject.

Did someone say infrastructure?

cake said...

Dear Anonymous:

C'mon, sign in and say that, I dare ya.

What? No, no, that's not a giant behind me, don't worry.

Anonymous said...

you like the giant behind you?

cake said...

Dear Anonymous:

Pansy.

Love,
Cake

Sparkle Plenty said...

In 1947, Leona Muns' womb beat a giant at Parchesi, chess, Chutes 'n Ladders, and whist. TRUE!

giant said...

LIES!!!

a. giant said...

sigh

Alas, it is true. Leona beat me fair and square. I almost beat her at Twister, but my sciatica acted up.

Heterodynecal in de nort' countree said...

I wanna know why the spam that has "when I blow my boyfriend..." as the subject all seem to have men's names in the "from" column.

I've traced some of them back, and none seem to come from the Vatican or RNC, so what's the deal?

Tex said...

::takes candy that IANO set out for redbeard::

mmmmmmmmm chocolate covered BACON!!