Tuesday, November 06, 2007

My Doctor Visit

I went to the Doctor yesterday.

Just a routine office visit.

Here is what my doctor did:

1. She took my blood pressure.

2. Listened to my back. (I'm very curious what my back had to say to her)

3. She pushed on my stomach.

4. She listened to my chest.

5. And a nurse took blood.

Here is what I did:

1. When she asked for my age I insisted she tell me hers first (she didn't)

2. I changed the calendar in the exam room from October to November.

3. I asked (and received) a free purple exam glove. (I'll blog another day what I end up doing with it.)

4. I read a magazine about child care and how to work my 'glutes'.

5. I tightened my stomach when she was fishing around my belly so she wouldn't think I was an out of shape old man. (She told me to stop tightening my belly)

What the Doctor DIDN'T do:

1. She didn't check me for cancer.

2. She didn't react at all when I tickled her.

3. She didn't fall for the "I've got your nose" trick.

4. She didn't give me her home phone number...you know....in case I get the cancer late at night.


So to sum up:
I probably have cancer.

20 comments:

Lois Lane said...

Why do you call your children "glutes"? And what type of work do you make them do?

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Aren't all children really just 'glutes'?

(I saw you this morning walking in the pouring rain....I turned around to give you a ride but by then you had vanished)

Sparkle Plenty said...

1) Don't you mean that you probably have "the cancer"?
2) Your back gossiped about your front.
3) Was it a vampire nurse? 'cause I understand those are fun!

cake said...

Your poor doctor.

Your poor, poor doctor.

Where do we send sympathy cards?

just curious said...

Can she treat The Retahdation or is it terminal?

Lois Lane said...

If you saw me on Comm Ave, I was either just walking to or from Dunkin Donuts, where I killed some time while I was getting an oil change.

Well, actually, my car was getting the oil change. My oil is just fine, thanks.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Just make a purple Thanksgiving turkey with the glove, already!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Yup...near the Dunkin' Donuts.

dunkin munchkin said...

I wish I were a timbit.

Redbeard76 said...

Howie Mandel wants his rubber glove back. True story.

Tex said...

Im more interested in what your chest had to say instead of your back. What would JimEd say?

Redbeard76 said...

IANO's Back: Get that thing off me, it's cold!

Sparkle Plenty said...

Hi, Tex! I'm pretty sure his chest said, "Garrrrr! Fill me with pieces o' eight, me hearty!" Oh, wait. You meant No Oprah's chest and not the dread pirate Redbeard's chest? Uh, nevermind.

cake said...

So, wait, Sparkle...are you telling me IANO is just the end result of someone growing themselves a pirate?!

Much is suddenly explained.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Yarrrrrrr, Cakie!

Paul said...

did you try beating her with womb with your giant? i bet she'd know if chicks dig that.

Tex said...

howdy Sparkles! i figure IANO's chest was puffed out with his abs sucked in and it was probably his chest that leaked it to the Dr, IANO was faking the taut abs

moe "simon metz" berg said...

3:1 it's in your giant.

8:1 thyroid.

Sparkle Plenty said...

OOH! Excellent theory, Tex!

Jayne said...

You need a plaster (band aid) for that cancer (thing to make you dead).