Friday, January 11, 2008

Ask A Nazi

Enough with Hilllary week.

We found a NAZI to answer YOUR questions! He not only is a Doctor, but a father, champion bowler, and all around good guy.

He'il answer just about anything.

An example:

Q: "Why do hummingbirds flap their wings so fast?"

DOCTOR NAZI: "Because they're not jews."

See how simple that is?

Another example:

Q: "When should I teach my son to ride a bicycle?"

DOCTOR NAZI: "As soon as a jew opens a bike shop near you....that way the bike is free"

So fire away and ASK DOCTOR NAZI*




* the views of Doctor Nazi are his and his alone. IANO is an equal opportunity hate monger.

73 comments:

Lois Lane said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

My blonde, blue eyed son is celebrating his fifth birthday today. What would be the best present for him?

Your pal,
Lois

Doctor Nazi said...

Dear Lois,

You should get him a jew.

Best,
Doctor Nazi

Anonymous said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

1. Can Hitler make a rock so heavy He can't lift it?

2. Why do fools fall in love?

3. Our mailroom just installed an automated letter sorting system called the Marvex-3000, but letters keep getting clogged in the first-level sorting grid. Is there anything that can be done about this?

4. Under what circumstances is "I was only following orders" considered a viable legal defense?

5. How would you rescue a handful of small, plastic, confused dinosaurs from mortal peril at the hands of robotmen?

6. If Adolf Eichmann could be any kind of tree, what sort of tree would he be?

7. Did I fire six bullets, or only five?

8. What do you have for number eight?

9. Who killed Bambi?

10. How much time will Dr. Nazi spend answering questions posed to him from a Jew?

-- Lamont "Briskin" Cranston

Doctor Nazi said...

Dear Lamont,

1. No. Though Goering could.

2. Because they are Jews.

3. Find a Jew to fix it.

4. Those involing Jews.

5. I wouldn't. I would burn them in a specially made plastic burner.

6. The Nazi Elm

7. Six... because there were 6 jews in front of you.

8. Mort Saul

9. Jewish hunter

10. Until your last final breath is breathed. Or something.

Love,
Doctor Nazi

Jayne said...

Dear Doctor Nazi,

I have more pressing questions.

What exactly is in Marmite?

cake said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

1) Is it true that IANO has the hots for Hillllllary and, if so, what should he do about it?

2) If an insane hate-mongerer falls in a bunker but there's nobody around to hear it, does he make a sound?

3) What makes a shoe fancier, having a heel or being on Hoag's foot?

4) Who's better, the Stones or the Beatles?

Thanking you in advance,

Cake

Doctor Nazi said...

Dear Jayne,

Marmite is people.

Love,
Doctor Nazi

Jayne said...

Dear Doctor Nazi,

How can I get the taste of people out of my mouth?

It haunts me.

doctor nazi said...

Dear Jayne:

Invade Poland.

Love,
Doctor Nazi

bugs bunny said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

What's up doc?

Love,
Bugs

Doctor Nazi said...

Dear Cake,

1. IANO hates Hilllary more than I hate jews.

2. No....but the jew he kills makes lots of noise.

3. Neither.

4. Are they Jewish bands?

Love,
Doctor Nazi

Doctor Nazi said...

Dear Bugs,

Not much...how about with you?

Love,
Doctor Nazi

woodchuck said...

Dear Doctor Nazi,

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Best,
Woodchuck

Doctor Nazi said...

Dear Woodchuck,

A cord of jews.

Love,
Doctor Nazi

Chicken said...

Dear Doctor Nazi,

What came first, me or the egg?

Love,
Chicken

david said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

Are you a real doctor or did the BBC just make you one, too?

Love,
D. Tennant

dr. nazi said...

Dear Chicken,

The non-jews came first.

Love,
Doctor Nazi

doc nazi said...

Dear David,

Doctor Who?

Love Dr. Nazi

clueless in poland said...

Dear Doctor Phil:

I just adore your talk show!

Love,
A big fan

dr. nazi said...

Dear Clueless,

Please follow these two gentlemen. They'll get you comfortable.

Thank you,
D. Nazi

C.A. Nuck said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

I'm thinking of invading a nearby country...do you have any tips for me?

Love,
C.A. Nuck

D, Nazi said...

Dear Mr. Nuck,

Try Poland first. Just to get your feet wet before you embark on World Domination.

Seig Heil!

worried said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

I'm making a peanut butter and jam sandwich but I only have brown bread. Do I have to go to the store and buy white bread?

Love,
Worried in Warsaw

cake said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
doctor nazi said...

Dear Worried:

Yes.

Glad to be of assistance,
Doc N.

a crazy lady said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

I hate chew!

Sincerely,
Crazy Lady

IANO and Hillllary's love child said...

Dear Doctor Nazi,

Where do babies come from?

Dr. Nazi said...

Dear Crazy lady,

Hate is a very strong word.

Love,
Doctor Nazi

Anonymous said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

1. What comment could have been so vile, so repellant as to have merited being deleted from this comment board?

2. What should Jewish readers who find themselves horrified yet vastly amused at today's postings do to alleviate their sense of guilt?

3. What should non-Jewish, non-Aryan readers who find themselves vastly amused at today's postings do to alleviate their sense of guilt?

4. What should Aryan readers who find themselves amused at today's postings do?

5. Admit it: You've got a little Jew in you, don't you?

Effervescently yours,

-- Lamont "J'accuse" Cranston

heavy helen said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

Does this outfit make me look fat?

Love,
Heavy Helen

doctor nazi said...

Dear Lamont:

1. It had a typo in it. Nazis hate typos.

2. Send cookies to IANO.

3. Send cookies to IANO.

4. Send cookies to IANO.

5. Only the gingerbread Jew I just ate.

Hope this helps,

Doc N.

doctor nazi said...

Dear Heavy Helen:

Yes but you're so white and blonde and blue-eyed, I hardly notice.

What're you doing tonight?

Sincerely,

Doctor Nazi

bill clinton said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

I'll trade you my blonde, blue eyed wife for Poland, if you like.

Love,
Bill

doctor nazi said...

Dear Bill:

No way, she slept with IANO and I'm pretty sure he's Jewish.

Plus I like Poland...they have brothels, you know.

Love,
Doctor Nazi

just curious said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

Is it true you used to be a Mouseketeer?

Love,
JustCurious

Anonymous said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

What exactly are you a doctor of?

Medicinally yours,

Lamont "Control Subject" Cranston

P.S. Don't get too excited about brothels in Poland. "Brothels" are how they refer to tiny bowls of clear soup.

Doctor Nazi said...

Dear Lamont,

I am a Doctor of Jewry.

Thank you for your query,
Doctor Nazi

Curious in Berlin said...

Dear Doctor Nazi,

Why do I hate the Jew so much?

Curious in Berlin

Doctor Nazi said...

Dear Curious in Berlin,

I think you'll need to pick up my three volume tome on that subject.

Make sure to read chapter 49: They Pee In Your Soup.

Love,
Doctor Nazi

The Jewish Beatles said...

Dear Dr. Nazi,

What song titles should we use on our new CD?

All our lovin',
The Jewish Beatles

Doctor Nazi said...

Dear Jewish Beatles,

1. All My Kibitzin'

2.Back In The B.O.X.C.A.R.

3.While My Schmitzingrupper Gently Weeps

Hope that gets you started!
Doctor 'Robert' Nazi

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Dear Doctor Nazi,

What should I have for dinner tonight?

Regards,
IANO

Doctor Nazi said...

Dearest IANO,

You should have at least one of the four basic food groups:

Jews, Gypsies, Lesbians, and Undesirables.

Have a good night,
DR. NAZI

Anonymous said...

Dear Doctor. Nazi,

What color hooded puppy coat should I get my German Shepard Kaiser-powder blue or lavendar?

And why is it that every time I go to the convenience store in the morning before work to buy a single stupid Diet Coke there's an old lady in front of me with a fist full of scratch tickets she wants to have checked so she can see if she won anything and if she does spends twenty minutes picking out NEW scratch tickets while the line behind her of people who actually have to get to work starts to stretch outside the door as we wait for her to say "Give me 3 Number 8's, a ten....no, make that a twelve." Is it legal to kill her?

Thank you.

Juanita

doctor nazi said...

Dear Juanita:

It's only legal to kill her if she's a member of the previously listed four food groups.

You're welcome!

Doctor Nazi

cake not signed in said...

"Jews, Gypsies, Lesbians, and Undesirables."

Crap, I'm included!

(And, no, I'm not a lesbian...not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Anonymous said...

Dear Doctor Nazi,

I think I might belong to one of the four food groups too. An "undesireable." To George Clooney. And Denzel Washington.

Now what?

Would killing the Scratch Ticket Lady in the store at 7 A.M. make me desireable?

Respectfully,

Juanita

Anonymous said...

And YES.....


I spelled "undesirable" incorrectly. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. Right Doctor Nazi? Right?

Respectfully,

Juanita

Doctor Nazi said...

Dear Juanita,

What are you wearing?

Love,

Doctor Nazi

confused said...

Dear Doctor Nazi,

Who or what is Jumpin' Jack Flash?

Best,
Confused.

Dr. Nazi said...

Dear Confused,

Jumpin' Jack Flash is a Gas Gas Gas.

Regards,

Doctor Nazi

cake said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

I just got a pile of groceries in and realized I forgot my favourite cereal. Whose fault is that?

Thanking you in advance,

Cake

doctor nazi said...

Dear Cake:

I can't believe you're so stupid you had to ask that.

You just made 'the list.'

Doc Nazi

cake said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

What list?

Curiously yours,

Cake

doctor nazi said...

Dear Cake:

If you'll just follow Clueless in Poland, I think all your questions will be answered.

Happy trails!

Doc Nazi

T. Brady said...

Dear Doctor Nazi,

Will the Patriots win tonight?

Love,

T. Brady

Docotor Nazi said...

Dear T.

Yes....they have fewer Jews on their team.

And play the over.

Good luck,

Doctor Nazi

tony said...

Dear Doctor Nazi,

Why are there Jews?

Regards,
Tony

Doctor nazi said...

Dear Tony,

Beats the hell out of me??!!

You just stumped the Good Doctor!

Humbly your,
Dr. Nazi

bob said...

Dear Doctor Nazi,

I'm appalled at this blog and your comments. It sickens me!

You are CLEARLY not realy a Doctor.

Death to the Jews.

Bob

Doctor Nazi said...

Dear Bob,

I am a doctor...a Doctor of Jewology.

Death to the Jews!

::high fives::

Best,
Doctor Nazi

Tex said...

Howdy Dr Nazi

Why didn't Kinky get voted our Gov'nor?

bye ya'll

Tex

Doctor Nazi said...

Dear Tex,

Jew wish to know?

Because.

Peace-out,

Doctor Nazi

Anonymous said...

Dear Doctor Nazi,

I'm wearing my typical professional teacher attire-black leather skirt,knee high boots with fishnet stockings,and red shirt with plundging neckline.

Any problems with that?

mainly hiding in maine said...

Dear Dr.Nazi

As we know, many of us had to ...disguise ourselves after the late unpleasantness, not out of fear, but to facilitate our return to global domination.

Here, we stand at the cusp of the new REICH, and I find myself confused.

It is evident from family resemblance that three of our children are competing for dominance, the sons of Rudolph Hess and Baron Von Strucker, and the daughter of Ilsa, She-wolf of the SS.

I do not like the way Mitt Hess treats his animals. Cages are for people, not pets.

Hilsary seems to be appealing to the shwartzers a little more than a good Aryan girl should, ja?

That leafs Rudi, the spirit and image of the Von Strucker clan, but how can I possibly vote for someone who calls himself Jewliani?

couch warming looza said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

I'm watching football, is it too early to have a drink?

Thank you!

doctor nazi said...

Dear Couch Warming Looza:

If you're toasting Mr. Hitler, it's never too early!

Hope that helps.

Doctor Nazi

couch warming looza said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

I just dropped the remote and I can't reach it unless I get up off the couch.

What should I do?

Thanks for being there for me!

doctor nazi said...

Dear Couch Warming Looza:

Get a Jew to get it for you.

And then send him to me.

Sincerely,
Doctor Nazi

couch warming looza said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

I got my remote back and I toasted Hitler with my glass of cider.

But now I'm hungry...what should I do?

Thanks yet again!

couch warming looza said...

Dear Couch Warming Looza:

Haven't you got anything better to do? Okay, very well...for a snack, you should have a Heineken, some sauerkraut, some excellent german sausages, and a Jew.

Now please stop yapping at me.

Doctor Nazi

couch warming looza said...

Dear Doctor Nazi:

Wow, for someone in such a sharp uniform, you really are a prick, arentcha.

Oh and I hate sauerkraut.

Thanks!

doctor nazi said...

Dear Couch Warming Looza:

A prick with a gun.

Doctor Nazi