Tuesday, January 08, 2008

A Vote For Hilllary Is A Vote For Hitler

Not really.

Today's tips for Hilllary:

1. Lose the cackle.

2. Lose the cankles.

3. Stop shrieking.

4. Have surgery to remove your penis.

5. Look at a mirror (it'll keep you from looking at a camera...YOU'RE HIDEOUS!)

6. Put down Chelsea....that dog needs to be put to sleep.

7. Say the word CHANGE. ONE. MORE. TIME.

8. Stop mentioning your '35 years of experience'....I could pick out a trailer and a china pattern in about 20 minutes.

9. Don't smile anymore....it truly freak folks out.

10. Be a good loser.

27 comments:

Lois Lane said...

To sum up:

NoOprah just can't stop thinking about Hillary.

Sparkle Plenty said...

1) What kind of trailer would you pick? I'd pick an airstream, but the holiday rambler has many positive attributes as well.
2) Would it be a long, long trailer like Lucy and Desi had? 'cause that was kinda cool--if unwieldy on the turns.
3) Would you make little curtains for your trailer? I would! Ooh!
4) Oh, wait. Politics. We're talking politics. I'm SO bored of donkeys and elephants. What should the new party animals be? I'd take that little Geico gecko for the democrats. He won't actually be president, so it's okay he's British.

Lois Lane said...

How about a gecko and a monkey? Cause who doesn't like monkeys?

And penguins....can we have a penguin party? Who cares what their politics are? They'd be well dressed.

Sparkle Plenty said...

YEAH! A monkey is a great idea, Lois. And the penguins would be stylin'. But, hey! How about pirates? Who doesn't like pirates? Wouldn't that make conventions much more fun? Or maybe a gecko and a meerkat? Or a porcupine and an armadillo? I'm just saying it's time for a change...think outside the box.

cake said...

To sum up some more:

Lois beat me to the comment I was gonna make by almost an hour.

hillary said...

"Change."

Tex said...

Hilllary is going down

bacon ace said...

Ladies ladies don't fight. We can have a monkey pirate.

Lois Lane said...

Now there's a guy who can faciliate change.

I vote for Bacon Ace!

Tex said...

i like llamas and ferrets myself. with little tinfoil hats to ward off the bad spirits.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Bacon Ace! Long Mojo Silver! I like it!

Wait, Lois: Are you voting for Bacon Ace as a party animal or for president? Ah, hey. I'd go with either one.

Llamas and ferrets. Both solid choices.

Tex said...

wait if Bacon Ace is going to run for Prez...what is his party animal representative going to be?

a pig? potbellied pig?

Lois Lane said...

Sparkle: Oh, I dunno. It's after 1 p.m., so honestly, I'm kinda drunk. Whatever he wants to do, I'll vote for him. And his little monkey pirate sidekick too.

cake said...

So to sum up yet some more:

Bacon Ace is running for president and his VP is going to be a pirate monkey wearing a tinfoil hat, and his totem animal is the pot-bellied pig?

Redbeard76 said...

Yarrrr.... someone call for a pirate? I'll get my monkey butlers on the case.

bacon ace said...

I humbly accept your nomination. I'll need good people in my administration so here goes:

Sparkle: Speechwriter
IANO: Secretary of War (no not of State let's call it what it actually is)
Cake: Embassador to Canada (cushy job)
Lois Lane: Secretary of Information

Fill in the rest.

bacon ace said...

Clinky: Secretary of Cryptozoology

Tex said...

hey What am I??? I wanna serve

cake said...

Tex: Special Assistant in Charge of Baseball?

Maybe?

(Hey, do I get a fancy new house, car, and driver with my new title?)

cousin saul said...

Hey...no cabinet position for Lamont?...Where is Lamont, by the way?!

Tex said...

how bout in charge of the baseball players???? yah :)

i should be the ambassador to the country of Texas

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Lamont got 'friendly' with the Clintons and mysteriously vanished.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

And he has a secretary named Lincoln.

cake said...

I think Saul needs a title, too.

"Minister in Charge of the Beatles Game" sounds good to me, whattya think?

cake said...

::waits eagerly for the blog about how Hillary won NH and NoOprah's giddy as a schoolgirl::

cake said...

What if the Beatles wrote about how happy IANO is that Hillary won NH?

- Twisting and Shouting for Joy
- Dizzy Miss NoOpie
- Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except NoOprah and His Love for Hillary (okay, that's a reach)
- Obama-la-di, Obama-la-bye!

Anonymous said...

nooprah,

Lay off Chelsea. She looks great.

The fortune cookie I read the other day said "He that sounds like Rush will begin to look like Rush." Just a fair warning.

I was a mere mile from Bill yesterday but his visit was a "suprise" so I had no idea. MAN am I bummed out. I SO wanted to give him a kiss. The French kind.

Juanita