Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Bite a 'Ho

So last night I'm watching the results of the primary voting across the Unites States when all of a sudden it hit me.



It hit me bigtime.



I was stunned. Amazed. I knew what I had to do.



It seems the United States doesn't have any states that begin with the letter B. I'm here to change that.



And not only that....but I'm gonna change who lives in those states and what goes on in those states.



Because I'm in charge. Or something.



1. Bearizona: This will be a great state...but just for bears.



2. Best Virginia: This will be the better of the two Virginias. The Best Virginia. Only the better people will be allowed to live here.



3. Barkansas: This will be a state just for dogs....seems fitting that Hillary Clinton was from here. Be warned....Barkansas will be a noisy state.



4. Blokelahoma: This is where we'll put all transplanted British folk. Toot-toot, bip-bip.



5. Bi-oming: This is where we'll put the gay folk and bi-sexuals. It'll be like San Francisco but not as cool.



6. Boregon: This will be just for the dullards.



7. Balabama-wop-boom-bam: This is where Little Richard will live. Unless he relocates to Bi-oming.



8. Boo Hampshire: This is where all the dead people will 'live'. They will not be happy.



These are just some of my early ideas. I might make all states begin with other letters that are not in use. I'm undecided.

41 comments:

Lois Lane said...

9. Billinois: Here, you will find people named William. When Hilliary is elected, she will put a tall fence around this state, so no one can get out.

10. Bassachusetts: Yep, it's gonna smell fishy here.

11. Baine: A state for where genetically enhanced Batman villians go to retire. (Only the comic book geeks are gonna get that one, but it's Wednesday, so what the heck.)

Clinky said...

Borgia-Will be ruled by a corrupt Spanish Dynasty.

Sparkle Plenty said...

So funny, guys!

Brississippi
State Motto: "You'll leave a changed man."
BOhio
State Motto: "Whaddya MEAN we stink?"

cake said...

I'd be scared to live in Bashington...though Baryland sounds nice.

Actually, let's change the the spelling, too: Berryland. I like it.

yappy guy said...

I'll live in Blabama.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Berryland
Capital: Creamchester

Sparkle Plenty said...

Bro'de Island
--All the dudes live there.
--Capital: Hackysackensack

scrooge said...

Bah! Laska

super-villian said...

Bwah-ha-ha-hawaii!

It's where we live.

matt damon said...

My buddy lives here...Bensylvania

bacon ace said...

BENnessee - home only to giant rats.

chubby folks said...

Bon-bontana

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Bitchagain.

This is where all the wives and girlfriends and mothers will live.

steve irwin said...

Bindyana.

This is where my daughter will live.

SHRIMATI PRATIBHA DEVISINGH PATIL said...

Bollyfornia.

Deese is de place I like to live.

Dracula said...

Belaware.

But only at night...

I'm movin' to Florida said...

Brrrrrrrrrmont.

everything's illegal said...

Bans-as is a boring place to live...

snooty diner said...

Baked Alaska

boo-hoo-hoo said...

Bawl-orado, home of the cry babies.

The catcher in the Rye said...

Bans-us

Sparkle Plenty said...

Brawntana: Home of the manliest of men.
All of these manly men vacation there:
http://www.cracked.com/article_14982_9-manliest-names-in-world.html

gumby and pokey said...

BENDYANA!!

wolverine said...

Bubraska

hillary said...

Bitchconsin

once again Hillary said...

Bitchissippi

penniless pete said...

Brokelahoma

corona and lime said...

Brew Mexico

Sparkle Plenty said...

Booziana...road trip to Brew Orleans!

Blousiana...do not forget to pack your loose-fitting shirts!

Blowsiana...wait, that's powdered sugar on the governor's shirt, isn't it?

Browsiana...Dal LaMagna Is King!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Blondetana.

Buddynights are gonna be way fun!

high on 'shrooms said...

Blissconcin

porn queen said...

Bukakefornia

Uncle Bumpershoot said...

Brollyware

Sparkle Plenty said...

Bufflorida...uh-huh..you see some FINE young fellas in Bufflorida

Baffledorida...who do we vote for? How do we vote? What is voting?

Bifflorida...where sons wait for their anguished salesmen fathers to hurry up and die already

Sparkle Plenty said...

Booklahoma: Ah...the only state run by a librarian!

Bookielahoma: "Pay up or it's your kneecap!"

Anonymous said...

Dear Steve,
As I know you are a kind and understanding man, I am passing on a letter which was sent to me as it deserves a kind and tactful reply. It reads as follows:
Dear agony aunt,
My husband had an affair seven years ago. He has not worked for the past seven years.
All he does is smokes cigars all day since our daughter left home.
Signed,

Hillary.


Steve, can you help her.

Best Wishes,

from; SWEET LITTLE OLD LADY.

hubba hubba said...

Babe-braska: Full of hot broads!

ming the merciless said...

After I take the whole state over...By oh Ming!

Bisque hater said...

I'd hate to live in Bisqueigan.

Tex said...

Im so glad you left Texas out of this Biasco

Emeril said...

Take away the Ala and you've got BAMa, baby!