Friday, March 28, 2008

Willie Mays

So we're out last night at one of those authentic Japanese restaurants (you know...were the chef is Vietnamese)...and they cook and perform at your table.

Dicing and slicing and flames and flippin' and serving and yin-yang-yowing and stuff.

So the Vietnamese chef (his name was Louie) grills up some zuccinni and flips it up in the air for the Blonde to catch in her mouth.

Well, the Blonde ain't no good at it and she looks a bit like a retarded seal at the Special Seal Olympics and the piece of zuccinni falls to the floor.

Very sad.

And then Louie flicks a piece high in the air for me to catch with my mouth. It was like in slow motion...turning and twisting towards me...the crowd was roaring, anticipation was in the air (along with the grilled squash)..and like Willie Mays in the '54 World Series I was all about the CATCH.

And I caught it in my mouth, we won the World Series, and the crowd roared.


Well, maybe not roared. In fact, by the time the zuke hit my mouth the Blonde and the Hoag were already discussing something else.

Point of the story?
Vietnamese are the best Japanese. And I can catch squash in my mouth like a non-retarded seal.

If seals ate squash.

22 comments:

Sparkle Plenty said...

If you caught the zuke in your mouth, why do I have grassy knoll footage of the zuke ricocheting off your front tooth and knocking an elderly woman's hat off? Hmm? Playing with your food is dangerous fun, Goofus. Gallant would never do that.

Gallant said...

Maybe I would. I have a dark side. A side that is unknown to Highlights readers. Gallant: The VH-1 Behind the Manners story.

bacon ace said...

NoOprah,
You get my seal of approval.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

as long as I don't get your zuccinni...

cake said...

I once tried to catch some popcorn in my mouth and tragically put out the eye of the person next to me. It was horrible...I'm still scarred.

Trying the same thing with a slice of zuke seems just foolhardy.

Brrr.

jed said...

I once tossed a possum up in the air and caught 'er in my mouth.

Mmm.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Mays eats zukes and does eat zukes and little lambs eat ivy!

Redbeard76 said...

Little does he let on that IANO's mouth is as big as a basket. Hence the Willie Mays phrase made popular "basket catch". Or something.

heavy helen said...

I once tossed a whole banquet table up in the air and caught it in my mouth!

godzilla said...

Oh YEAH? I once tossed a whole Japanese fishing boat up in the air and caught it in my mouth!

shark from jaws said...

I once tossed Roy Schreider up in the air, but I missed. Can I join the Special Seal Olympics?

Lois Lane said...

Gadzukes!

jolly frenchman said...

Zuke alors!

Kevin Zoukilis fan said...

ZOOOOOOOOUUK!!!

bo and luke zuke said...

We're just good ole' boys.

Iano's kids said...

Hey Uncle Hukey!

Doctor Zoooooooke said...

Jelly baby?

The Zuuuke said...

Zuuuke are you, zuuuke zuuke, zuuuke zuuuke

the requisite beatles said...

Zukey in the Fry with Chicken?

mailing it in. said...

1) I Want To Hold Your Zucchini

2) Norwegian Zucchini

3) Eleanor Zucchini

4) Zucchini!

David'Z RantZ said...

Throwing something in the air and missing IANO's mouth is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute and missing the ground.

Spud said...

It's not a question of if they could eat it, It's if they could catch it and eat it? Or am I missing something?