Friday, April 11, 2008

Horror and suffering. Possibly some gravy.

Let's be serious for a bit...there is trouble all around the world.

The US is in a few wars, starving children and genocide in the Sudan, Japanese internment camps still in California, Global warming, flooding, earthquakes, tsunamis, social unrest in China.

So much suffering all around us.

The 'Feeble Minded' experiment north of our border that's gone awry.

Drought, famine, racial bigotry.

So much horror all around us.

So the other night I'm out to eat and I'm sitting at the bar area and the waiter delivers my meal...turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, corn, biscuit....and all covered in gravy.

So in my little part of the world things are good.

WRONG!

I go to put salt on my turkey and instead of just having a normal salt shaker that folks have used since the dawn of the dinosaur I have to use this stupid salt shaker that I have to turn over and grind up the large chunks of salt that is in the jar so it becomes like the FREAKIN' SALT SHOULD BE IN THE FIRST PLACE!
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Dear 99 Restaurant,

Don't complicate my life! Put a damn normal salt shaker on the table! Sorry I didn't go to MIT to learn how to use your stupid salt mulcher!

Idiots.

Something as simple as salt should be as simple as salt. Don't make me think when there is gravy on my plate!

Love,
Steve

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So much suffering in my part of the world.

16 comments:

Joe Doherty said...

Such an atrocity. Get the hippy brigade to stage a protest rally.

cake said...

And this is why IANO's title of King of the Ranters will be forever unchallenged.

p.s.
"The 'Feeble Minded' experiment north of our border that's gone awry."

What'd Alaska ever do to you?

eskimo said...

I HATE CHEW!

scoldy the kung-fu polar bear said...

Actually, I have nothing to scold about.

Mmm, eskimos.

possibly lamont said...

So you might say you felt a-salted by the restaurant's policy? Had some beefs with it? I'm sorry it didn't meat with your expectations. Next time, get a little crab-y about it, maybe they'll fork over an apology. Or else you could fish around and see if you can find a new place to eat; a place that isn't peppered with annoyances.

Maybe even a place with a saucy, spicy little number doing the serving.

Okay, now I'm just hamming it up. I'll stop before I get roasted.

maddog said...

To be politically correct and current, please refer to Asian interment camps as Message Palors. Thank you.

maddog said...

Minus the missing keystoke: parlor. The ending's happy either way.

it'll be on foxnews later said...

I held a candlelight vigil in honor of your salt travesty.

Sparkle Plenty said...

"...since the dawn of the dinosaur..." You're on casserole turf. Pay me.

salty McTavish said...

-All You Need Is Salt

-Salty Sadie

-Saltine

-Hey Food

-Halter Salther

-When I'm Salty For

-Yellow SaltShaker

-Ain't She Salty

-Salty Rita

-Maxwell's Salty Ham n' Eggs

David'Z RantZ said...

IANO: If you hadn't squandered all those damned salt packets at McDonald's (as we discussed a few weeks ago in my David'Z RantZ comment section), you wouldn't have had this problem.

Cake: So, IANO's King of the Ranters? Excuse me, but in all fairness, the word "Rant" (or any variation, like, oh, an added "Z") doesn't even appear in his blog's title!

And by the way, Cake, I'll just bet IANO meant Canadians when he referred to the "feeble minded." At least it was better than saying they were bagel-stealing retarded people who couldn't read labels and stomped a lot...

Sorry, everybody. Feeling very petulant today.

cake said...

::stomps::

Tex said...

you do know that salt and gravy are bad for your arteries...i think the gravy has also clogged your mind

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I eat salt n' gravy for my boyish figure.

heavy helen said...

Forget the arteries, that stuff goes straight to your thighs!

Jayne said...

Argh, those grinding salt shakers should be banned. I agree with everything everyone says this morning though. Everything.

If Hitler were a salt shaker, I'd lick him.