Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Wisdom of Cousin Saul

So Cousin Saul is in a store a few months back and sees this woman with a helium-filled mylar balloon with the proclamation in bright letters emblazoned across it that said something like: WORLD'S GREATEST HUSBAND (or something as equally stupid)

So Cousin Saul approaches her and says (I'm paraphrasing):

SAUL: "Hello ma'am, you do know that NO man on Planet Earth likes getting a helium filled mylar balloon for ANY occasion. EVER."

MA'AM: "Oh."

---------
We also don't like calendars, stuffed animals, 'joke gifts', plants, and other crap you think we'll like.

We DO like: movie passes, gift cards, money, ballgame tickets, t-shirts (NO writing on them) and laser pointers.

23 comments:

cake said...

What about a mylar inflatable t-shirt with a picture of a laser pointer on it but no writing?

cake said...

Or a ballgame ticket hidden in the leaves of a cute little plant that's being held by a teddy bear (wearing a Bruins shirt)?

just wondering said...

OR a calendar counting down the days till some gift money arrives? Possibly carried in a basket attached to a mylar balloon?

jed said...

Ah love to get roadkill, mahself.

Anonymous said...

Every May 6, I like to receive a large mylar balloon filled with hydrogen.

I take it out to Lakehurst, NJ, and torch it and watch all the locals get bent out of shape. Especially the Germans.

But NoOprah is right about the joke gifts. Those things are thrown in the trash so fast it's a wonder they don't burn up from friction.

-- Lamont "LZ 129" Cranston

zoso said...

Zep rules!

cake said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
too busy sulking to log in said...

It just occurred to me that all the cool kids are probably partying at IANO's shop instead of entertaining me here.

*sulk*

IANO/lois/david said...

::passes helium filled mylar balloon around----talks funny:::

We missed you Cake!

cake said...

I'm having my own party here, whadda I care.

::puts on party hat, sets out plate of cookies...cries::

I Ain't No Oprah said...

-Mean Mr. Mylar Ballon

-Helium Skelium

-Balloon (That's What I Don't Want)

-Something (Anything! I don't care...just not a mylar balloon)

Joe Doherty said...

Don't forget...we love food, too. Like Pizza. With Beer, not balloons.

David'Z RantZ said...

PAAAAAAAARRRR-TY!!! PARTY AT IANO'S STORE!!!

Sorry.

Yup, sounds like something Cousin Saul would say. And he's absolutely freakin' right!!!

Anyway... Don't forget "THROW PILLOWS!" We hate throw pillows! And not just as gifts, we hate them in general. They're useless, they're pointless, they're fill-in-the-blankless!

Pillows -- any kind of pillows -- are only good for sleeping on, or for elevating various body areas to make them more accessible during sex. Or watching lingerie-clad, nubile young women have pillow fights, and...

Oh. TMI?

Sorry. This is what happens when a Scorpio hasn't had a date in three days.

David'Z RantZ said...

Three-and-a-half days, actually.

cake said...

So, lessee...David'z goes to IANO's shop for part of the afternoon.

And comes back all randy.

Hmmm.

randy said...

Men are always randy!

David'Z RantZ said...

Cake, the "randiness" you speak of could be for one of five reasons:

1. The women who were walking by the nerd/geek store were really pretty.

2. The rumors are true... and IANO hasn't aged a bit in twenty years.

3. I did meet Lois...

4. I was thinking of you, wearing only a Hitler mustache.

5. Jenna Jameson has her own comic book.

Take your pick.

miss b. haven said...

Most women, too.

David'Z RantZ said...

Two more Beatles songs:

Rocky Relationship ('cause my stupid wife gave me a helium-filled Mylar balloon!)

I'll Follow the Son(ofabitch who gave me a helium-filled Mylar balloon!

David'Z RantZ said...

Lamont: That comment about Lakehurst, NJ, was so demented I almost thought Jayne had written it. Keep up the good work.

cake said...

1) Well, tis the season of the little summer dress, huh? ::tugs hem down::

2) Were the rumours of the sex change true, too? ::pictures IANO in a little summer dress:: (Oh, and why'd I hafta go and do that.)

3) And were the rumours true about her, too?

4) Aww shucks. ::blushes::

5) Was she in Slut Control 2?

David'Z RantZ said...

Summer dresses and reallllllllllllly tight slacks...

Tex said...

Is IANO running a dating service now?