Friday, June 20, 2008

The nameless lobster

So last night I'm in a restaurant and I order a lobster.

When the waitress brings me said lobster I asked her what his name was.

She kinda looked at me with those blank eyes that wait staff sometimes have.

"He didn't have a name."

Something is wrong with that.

They bring a live animal into their restaurant, put him in the lobster tank to peacefully live out their lives (or so Mr. Lobster thinks), and then they boil him alive to please me.

The least they could do is name the poor guy (before they boil him alive to please me)

Now I know what you're thinking: Why don't you just name him yourself when they bring him out on the platter?

BECAUSE I DON'T NAME THE DEAD...THAT'S WHY!!

Though I suppose I'll now start naming all the dead animals I eat. I'm guessing tonight I will be dining with Beef Richards and his pal, Gravy.

30 comments:

pinchy the lobster said...

::pinches IANO::

Sparkle Plenty said...

Said lobster's favorite Beatles songs:

HELP!
HELP!
HELP!

(Cake needs to get better fast.)

cake said...

If IANO's lobster sang Beatles tunes:

- And Your Shell Can Singe
- Back in the W.A.T.E.R
- Pass Me By (Please oh Please)
- Happiness Isn't a Warm Pot
- Boil Boil Me Don't

(Hmmm...maybe I'm not quite better yet, after all.)

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Octopus's Lobster

Let It Boil

Can't Boil Me Love

Lobster Rita (Meaty Maid)

Old Red Shell

I Am The Lobster

I Want To Hold Your Claws

The Large and Boiling Pot

Sparkle Plenty said...

SHE RISES! It is the curative power of the Beatles song game. Ah. Remember the days of the Beatles song blog? Gone, yet not forgotten.

"The Large and Boiling Pot" is now stuck in my head.

David'Z RantZ said...

Roll Over, Baked Lobster

Don't Butter Me

There's a Plate

I Don't Want to Boil the Body

I've Just Steamed a Face

cake said...

Baby Yer a Buttery Man?

No? Okay, I'll keep trying...

cake said...

Sgt. Butter's Lonely Claws Club Band?

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Lobster Madonna

All You Need Is Butter

Eight Claws A Week

Getting Butter

Crustacean Wood (This Bib is Worn)

cousin saul said...

Oh great...now Fonzie is jumping the LOBSTER!

cousin saul said...

Actually...the blog was kinda funny

cake said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
cake said...

Dear Cousin Saul:

It must be raining a lot where you are...I see regular updates on your story-blog.

::faints from the shock::

p.s.
- Buttery Tuesday
- Have You See Your Mother, Baby (Boiling in the Shadows)
- Get Off of My Claw
- Lobster on the Run
- You Got The Butter

cousin saul said...

Cake,
Actually, I'm in less-than-sunny New Hampshire for the summer. We have a home in Laconia, New Hampshire...I'd prefer to stay in Florida, even in the hot summer (got a delightful pool you know) but I'm out-voted by my wife. (for some reason she gets two votes to my one!) So...I'm posting a bit more to my blog because I have less distractions in New Hampshire. Thanks for noticing though!...Paul

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Why Doesn't Cousin Saul Do It In Rhode Island.

Cousin Saul Makes Me Gently Weep

Hey Saul

Happiness Is Warm Florida

Sparkle Plenty said...

Ah, the Beatley Goodness.

Tex said...

personally, i dont think i could eat something i had named. it'd be like eating my pet. and that is just sad. i like flowers and honey better :)

beef richards said...

So, was I tasty?

gravy said...

I know I was!

spuddy the tater said...

Me too! I'm drooling just thinking of how good I taste.

possibly the real spud said...

HEY!

bobby the buttery bun said...

He said he was going to name his *meat*, tardo.

debbie dessert said...

Yeah, whoever this fake person is, she...errr, he...is kinda dumb.

doc nazi said...

I think she should come with me. I'll introduce her to a friend of mein, ja...Gassy Chambrie.

filthy mcnaughty said...

He said he was going to name his *meat*

Kinky!

Sparkle Plenty said...

Ya know, if the lobster had been prepared differently its name would definitely have been Newburg.

Also: I believe that the lobster's relatives have sworn vengeance on you. Did you see some chasing after your car down the street today? They're pretty easy to outdrive.

the lobster nazi said...

NO LOBSTER FOR YOU, SPARKLE!

Sparkle Plenty said...

Too late, Lobster Nazi. I had a lobster named George Marbury-Butterdip, III for dinner last night. Sorry.

George Marbury-Butterdip, IV said...

You killed my father, prepare to die!

Sparkle Plenty said...

Oh, man. The indigestion isn't enough?