Tuesday, July 01, 2008

The Circle Of Life

So this past weekend I went camping.

Camping, as in near a lake. In a tent.

In fact, a whole bunch of us went. Near a lake. In some tents.

So anyhow around two in the morning I wake up and need to go to the campground restroom to check how my hair looks (or something)

The restroom is up a hill in the middle of the woods (but close by)

2:00 am hair looks pretty good and I start back to my tent when all of a sudden I spot a bear!

There is a bear standing next to a tree about 20 feet from me.

I remember my bear training from The Hoag and I stand motionless (except for my hair which is blowing nicely in the wind)

And then I hear the bear roar!

"DAD! It's me!"

Holy crap! I'm the father of a bear!!! I'm the father of a talking bear!!"

"Dad, it's me...I'm over here!"

And then it dawned on me....that was my human daughter standing by the tree. At 2:00 am.

I was still wary of bear and remembered my teenage girl training I received from The Hoag...always approach with caution.

So what was human daughter doing at 2:00 am, in the woods, pretending she was a bear?

Turns out she was pretending to be a queasy bear and she was vomiting at the base of the tree.

And I did what any human father would do. I said:

"I hope you feel better in the morning...I'm going back to my tent. Be careful."

Fast forward 6 hours or so:

I get up and head to the campground restroom to check on my hair and I notice two chipmunks messing around with my daughter's vomit that is still pooled at the base of the tree.

I quickly name one of the chipmunks 'Dale'. I can't think of what to name the second one.

POINT OF THE STORY:

When camping, you experience the Circle of Life (or Cheerios, or whatever it is she ate that made her sick) first hand.

Or of course, something.

8 comments:

Sparkle Plenty said...

This is my favorite post yet.
"I remember my bear training from The Hoag and I stand motionless (except for my hair which is blowing nicely in the wind) And then I hear the bear roar! "DAD! It's me!" Holy crap! I'm the father of a bear!!! I'm the father of a talking bear!! I was still wary of bear and remembered my teenage girl training I received from The Hoag...always approach with caution..."

HAR!

If I wasn't so old, I'd tourette-out a slew of those acronym things the youngsters use to indicate they're laughing out loud and rolling on the floor laughing out loud, etc.

So, in ebay language: AAAAAAA++++++++ You can't go wrong here!

cake said...

I hate this blog for putting "Circle of Life" from the Lion King in my head.

(Though I like it for being clever and all.)

cousin saul said...

I bet your first thought was,"that's not a bear...that's Sally Struthers!"
PS. We had no bears at the reception that I was at (and no vomit either)....I'm just saying.

cousin saul said...

PS. Everybody read my blog!

Joe Doherty said...

effing brilliant.

Lois Lane said...

HA! Cheerios are round. Circle of life is round.

::spins around and around in circle, vomits::

Yuck. Can someone please send around a chipmunk to clean this up?

Jayne said...

I laughed a lot too. Do you really have hair?

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Yes.