Monday, September 29, 2008

Backwoods man from Kentucky explaining the 700 billion dollar bailout plan.


a) You gots to skin a lot of beaver to huckleup that berrytree.

b) Shank it thick, slice it hard, that bacon is gonna fry for a while.

c) Momma once told me that cornstarch ain't no way to shoe a filly.

d) Papa once told me that a jerk of beef ain't no prom date....but it can still dance me a waltz.

e) Money is only as good as the fallen bark and the cooling dew.

f) Grandpapy once told me that ya can skin a coon once but never try and tie his whiskers south of Mason-Dixon.

g) Uncle Ted once told me that two bits ain't worth the pork jowls it can buy.

h) Auntie Bess once said: Hornswaggle that bobcat and he'll bite your arm, wrassle him hard and he'll scoot like a Jay.

i) Mr Kratchit up the road once told me: Pick your pine cones wisely you might need them for soup someday.

j) Bring me down home some shine and a boot and the lord of above will milk those cows.

14 comments:

mulderjoe said...

Hay, where did you find dat pickture of me an my bruddah?

Sparkle Plenty said...

The Olympics is over, yet you just medaled.

To sum up: Cousin Stinkin' Pete once told me you can tassel corn and you can tassel loafers, but you can't tassel loafers with corn. Or something.

cake said...

Mama always said it's darntootin' better to havva coon in the road than two in the bush.

But then Mama was always two slaps 'n a weasel short of pennypinchin' mad.

chinese guy said...

Pappy once said: You can rick a ramb but the grass still needs cutting.

joey mchick said...

Ah once bailt out 700 horses and I didn't even got a plan! Ah should be in govamint!

possumy pete said...

Grampy used to tell me: if yer makin' bacon with drippin's, ya gotta catch 'em with bread. ::nods wisely::

sally straighttalk said...

So, we done milked the cow dry and now we don' no more be eatin' siiir-loin? Is that what yer tellin' me?

backwoods willy said...

You can shake a mountain lion outta a tree but ya can't bring a mountain down to the dinner table. That's all I know.

bushy george said...

Damn, foiled again!

backwoods beatles said...

If youse vote with the big dogs, youse go down with the big dogs ob-li-da

Sarah "Alaska's White Trash" P. said...

What's a vote?

I Ain't No Oprah said...

It's the Huckleberry Bush Doctrine!

Or of course, something.

Kreekore said...

Sarah Palin is a symbol of everything that is wrong with the modern United States. As a representative of our political system, she's a new low in reptilian villainy, the ultimate cynical masterwork of puppeteers like Karl Rove. But more than that, she is a horrifying symbol of how little we ask for in return for the total surrender of our political power.

Not only is Sarah Palin a fraud, she's the tawdriest, most half-assed fraud imaginable, 20 floors below the lowest common denominator, a character too dumb even for daytime TV -and this country is going to eat her up, cheering her every step of the way. All because most Americans no longer have the energy to do anything but lie back and allow ourselves to be jacked off by the calculating thieves who run this grasping consumer paradise we call a nation.

(...) The great insight of the Palin VP choice is that huge chunks of American voters no longer even demand that their candidates actually have policy positions; they simply consume them as media entertainment, rooting for or against them according to the reflexive prejudices of their demographic, as they would for reality-show contestants or sitcom characters.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Nice use of copy and paste....Kreekore.