1) Howie Mandel=not funny
2) Did Christina Applegate lose weight? Her boobs look smaller. Or something.
3) The opening ten minutes were painful. Real, real painful. I was literally bleeding out of my eyes.
4) The Laugh-In bit...painful. I was literally bleeding out of my eyes.
5) Oprah=one big fat tub of goo. I was literally bleeding out of my eyes when she came on.
6) Steve Martin was kinda funny. I was literally laughing out of my eyes.
7) So was Don Rickles.
8) Mary Tyler Moore...you might want to wear sleeves.
9) Yes, yes we get it...Hollywood is liberal. SHUT THE FUCK UP! I was literally bleeding out of my eyes everytime someone made a political statement.
10)Ricky Gervais bit was way funny. Though the American OFFICE is funnier.
11) I'm literally bleeding out of my eyes right now.
12) Figuratively speaking, of course.