Tuesday, September 02, 2008

The Outgoing Weekend Mail Bag

Dear Crest Toothpaste,

Just wanted to write and thank you for putting the words anti-cavity on your newest packaging.

For all these years I just assumed you were pro-cavity.

Love,
IANO

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Dear Joe Biden,

Just wanted to write and thank you for changing your plans this weekend so you could 'monitor' Hurricane Gustav.

I watched TV also.

Love,
IANO

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Dear George Bush,

Just wanted to thank you for learning from past mistakes. I thought it was cool how you had The Hurricane Gustav not directly hit New Orleans.

I was also glad you diminished it's power and it only came ashore as a CAT1.

Love,
IANO

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Dear Wifey,

Just wanted to write you to let you know, that in hindsight, it's not actually a mountain of shoes you have in the front room.

It's just a very large and unsightly pile of shoes.

Love,
IANO

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Dear Neighbor right across the street,

Just wanted to write to let you know how much I love when your dog barks at 4:30 am....it takes my mind off of the glare from your outside lights that shine in my eyes ALL FREAKIN' NIGHT!

When is the wine tasting party?

Love,
IANO

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10 comments:

cake said...

So to sum up:

IANO is feisty today.

your across-the-street-neighbor said...

Oh, I'm sorry my outdoor lights shine in your eyes. I wasn't aware that you were still sleeping outdoors.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

It's what I do to escape the mountain of shoes in the front room.

Answers4U said...

Dear Consumer,
Thank you for your interest in our new product, pro-cavity Crest in Choco-Mint gel. Nine out of 10 dentists who prefer patients have begged us to market this product. Please enjoy this complementary case, and do make sure you have good dental insurance.
Love,
Crest Toothpaste

Dear IANO,
That channel didn't come in so well so I ended up watching reruns of "The Golden Girls." We ran out of the best TV snacks, too. You?
Love,
Biden

Dedar INOA,
I like kitties, too!
xxoo W

Dear IANO,
Yeah? Sigh.
Love,
Stop Calling Me Wifey

Dear IANO,
You whine, no wine.
Love,
Neighbor Right Across the Street

cake said...

I have popcorn and you guys don't.

(This comment brought to you by a slow Tuesday afternoon.)

probably not obama said...

Waitasec, if Bush could divert Gustav, why'd he let Katrina past?

What a jerk!

black guy said...

Because he doesn't care about blacks.

sy-phillis said...

Bush promised he won't send another hurricane to New Orleans and he will like us black-folk if you don't vote for Obama

sassy mccheekypants said...

"the glare from your outside lights that shine in my eyes ALL FREAKIN' NIGHT!"

You should get curtains.

David'Z RantZ said...

It's only recently that Crest became anti-cavity. Before that, however, they weren't pro-cavity, they were pro-choice.