Friday, September 05, 2008

What Owebama really says.



Democrats love Owebama. Love him.

He speaks so fine!

But what does he really say? Here is an actual speech that he gave.

Democrats only heard the words that were in CAPITAL LETTERS.

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...so I ask you my fellow AMERICANS, to reach down deep between the cushions of you sofa and find some CHANGE so you and your FAMILY can eat some plain pasta for dinner because all of your WEALTH will be soaked up by my NEW tax plan!

I urge you to get all of the coins with JEFFERSON, LINCOLN, ROOSEVELT and WASHINGTON on them that are stuck down deep under the drivers seat and count up that CHANGE!

That CHANGE will get you one more night of LIFE after my barely researched and crazy tax plan gets unveiled!

My NEW economic plan should result in MILLIONS of NEW JOBS mostly as waiters where you will get less than a GOOD WAGE and you'll be scrambling for CHANGE just for gas to get HOME!

And I PROMISE that even though I said we'd be out of Iraq, there will actually be no CHANGE in that because I really haven't thought anything through!

So look through your HOME and look through jars and under beds and everywhere for some loose CHANGE to help you through these next bleak FOUR YEARS!

Look through all of your old purses for CHANGE!

CHANGE will get you through the tolls!

CHANGE will get you boiled rice!

CHANGE will get you powdered milk!

CHANGE will get you a lottery ticket!

CHANGE will get you a taxi ride down to the welfare office!

CHANGE will get you one more pack of smokes!

CHANGE will get you four pulls on the slot machine at LINCOLN park!

CHANGE will get you a copy of the NATIONAL Enquirer!

So go on outside and collect some bottles out of dumpster and CASH them in for CHANGE!

CHANGE. It's what us DEMOCRATS will soon be back LIVING on!

THANK YOU! And god BLESS AMERICA!

8 comments:

sarah said...

Great blog, big boy. I'll pick you up after work so you can collect your reward. *wink*

i think she's hot too, though said...

The text of Sarah's speech with what IANO really heard in caps:

I'm a bit crazy but I know the HOT button issues and I'm tired of cooling my HEELS up here in Alaska when I could be BUSTing the chops of the Washington crowd. This is a GORGEOUS opportunity for me to stop people SKIRTing the issues and really get in there TIGHT with a BROAD spectrum of policy. I promise not to CHICKen out and I'll make sure you get BANG for your buck and never let you down. God bless you all, especially IANO!

cake said...

Have you noticed that your political blogs get fewer comments? It's almost like most of your readers don't share your opinions. Or something.

Snicker.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

If they shared my opinions, they'd all like you.

cake said...

Waitasec...that's politician doubletalk! You just insulted me in a backhanded complimentary way!

Dammit, IANO...have you thought of running for office?

Sparkle Plenty said...

If SARAH SWITCHED TEAMS* you'd vote for Obama.

All we have to do is give Joe Biden a makeover so he looks like a wolf- and bear-slaying DEMOCRATIC HOT HOCKEY MOM. He can still measure stuff with his hands; it'll just be hot and not goofy.

*Yes, I did mean if Sarah switched to be a democrat. But, you're welcome to hang onto that other mental image you might or might not have formed just now. That's right. VOTE OBAMA: SARAH'S GONNA SWITCH TEAMS after the election.

(Kuhrackers Q. Nutjob, you are.)

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Hey! It's the gal who fixes my walls...Spackle Plenty!

Lois Lane said...

Cake: Maybe folks aren't commenting because they're too busy basking in the glow of IANO's genius.

Or something.