Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Christmas Shoes: Worst thing ever! In fact, it's worse than cancer.

Have you heard this song?? This Christmas Song called Christmas Shoes?

About some kids dying mother?? And shoes?

OH. MY. GOD.

An anvil to the head would be less painful.

Here is the key part:

>>Sir I wanna buy these shoes for my Momma please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Daddy says there's not much time
You see, she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus, tonight.<<<

---
I have a funny feeling 'Momma' ain't gonna look good for Jesus tonight.

I'm guessing the stupid kid bought his 'Momma' a new pair of Crocs.

SO TO SUM UP:
Let's pray that Momma dies and doesn't get the shoes and Jesus thinks she looks horrible.

Merry Christmas.

9 comments:

Lois Lane said...

Memo to everyone:

If I'm dying, please don't bring me shoes. Bring me chocolate. And infrastructure. And morphine.

But not shoes.

If you bring me shoes, my dying act will be to beat you to death with them before I die myself.

Happy Holidays!!!!!!!

Cake said...

Seconded, Lois! SECONDED!

p.s.
Maybe when that kid got home with the shoes, Momma bitched him out for not bringing a matching purse. Maybe that can be next year's follow-up song?

Horroru (Joe O) said...

That song tugged at my barf strings.

I told my wife when I die I want to be buried with my copy of Absolute Watchmen.

As usual, she shook her head but knew I wasn't kidding...

Kathy said...

this blog mks me think that IANO has webcams in our house. i HATE (to infinity) that &#*@#(*$%(!@)$%#@$*& song.

Cake said...

I hate that I wasted a whole minute of my life listening to that video.

(No way was I making it through the whole thing...)

I need a drink.

David'Z RantZ said...

That song should only be available as a 45 RPM single, with its B side being every available copy of "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." Then we could smash all the records and destroy both songs forever!!!

And don't be so damned smug, "Little Drummer Boy," cuz I'm coming for you, next! "Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum" THIS, be-atch!

mulderjoe said...

That song is worse than "Simply having a wonderful Christmas time" by Paul McCartney. And Sir Paul's song really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really sucks.

David'Z RantZ said...

Mulderjoe: Ooooh, I forgot about that one! Maybe the 45 I suggested should be an EP?

Chris said...

I HATE THIS SONG with a passion!

My (Atheist, grinchy) husband tried to use this song as one of the reasons why Christianity and/or Christmas is depressing. I quickly informed him that this was a COUNTRY song that happened to mention Christmas, and that's why it sometimes bleeds over onto regular stations around Christmas time.

Imagine my horror when, a few weeks ago, that song came on the radio, and I quickly punched the button for the Christian station - only to find it was already ON the Christian station! Um, folks, just because it MENTIONS "Jesus" does NOT make it a Christian song!!

Wait, it gets WORSE!

Today, at church, we had a guest singer. She was a bit twangy for my taste, but I was doing OK.... UNTIL... She starts describing the next song she's about to sing... "poor boy"... "true meaning of Christmas"... "beautiful song"... And THEN the intro started. I involuntarily brought my hands to me ears, and in a horrified whisper said "Oh, God, no!" My kids, of course, knew how much I HATE that song, and started making their own comments... I tried to shush them while looking for an exit. Decided it would not be a good idea, and waited it out....
I have a friend who has cancer. She's been doing pretty good and is upbeat most of the time. I looked around, hoping she wasn't there... She was. And crying. And I DO NOT think the were "tears of joy" with her 4-year-old boy sitting in her lap...

I mean, last I checked... Dying people don't usually NEED shoes. Corpses - do they even PUT shoes on them? Their feet don't show in the casket, so I don't see the point. And when you get to heaven and "meet Jesus" - the shoes stay behind. NOT THAT JESUS CARES ABOUT YOUR SHOES, ANYWAY!

Oh, and I thought the "true meaning of Christmas" was NOT materialism. But here's this poor little kid on Christmas Eve stressing over BUYING something he can't afford for someone who will have no USE for the things.... I'm sure his mother would rather have had his COMPANY. But no...

Ugh. What ARE people thinking!
Let's bury this one with "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" AND "Pretty Paper". And PLEASE DON'T EVER SING IT IN CHURCH AGAIN!!!!

Oh, yeah. They took an extra offering for the guest. I scribbled a note to her as fast as I could: "I don't think Jesus cares about SHOES!" and put it in the plate. I doubt she'll get it, but I felt a little better.

And on my way out the door - I told my kids "If you ever leave me to die alone on Christmas Eve while you go SHOPPING for something I don't want and you can't afford - I WILL come back to HAUNT you!!!" ;-)