Thursday, April 16, 2009

The hows and whys of cancer being good.


You're on the way to your radiation treatment and you find a dollar on the ground.

Cancer good.

You're resting after a brutal session of chemo when all of a sudden a candystriper brings you a Swiss Miss pudding cup.

Cancer good.

You're in the waiting room of treatment center, bent over in pain, but watching The Price is Right....your price is nearest to actual retail price than anyone on the show.

Cancer good.

End of the year inventory is today...you have a marrow transplant scheduled and can't do inventory.

Cancer good.

You're screaming in pain from the cancer ravaging your body....it drowns out the noise of the dog barking.

Cancer good.

All your hair has fallen out from chemo gone wrong...you save $15 (plus tip) every six weeks on haircuts.

Cancer good.

That douchebag you hate finally dies of his brain cancer.

Cancer good.

You have cancer...for some reason you no longer have to donate to the American Cancer Society.

Cancer good.

That big growth on your neck turns out not to be a deformity and folks stop making fun of it.

Cancer good.

Red Sox won yesterday. The cancer has been cured by Tim Wakefield.

Tim Wakefield good.

(Yankees stink)

8 comments:

82 pound Beatle said...

Can't Sir Buy Me Love?

cancer scares people said...

you shouldn't be so cold about it

Cake said...

If I had cancer, I could justify a really cool wig! Damn. I hate being healthy.

Hair Loss Beatle said...

Eight Chemo Appointments a Week

Sparkle Plenty said...

1) Your neighborhood nickname changes from "That Asshole" to "Shhh That Asshole Has Cancer."
2) You find out your candystriper is actually Candy, Stripper. Forget about the Swiss Miss pudding cup.
3) Might as well rob a bank and tell your no-good relatives what you really think. Make sure it's hopeless, 'though; if there's a chance of remission you're screwed.
4) Your best friend gets to write a book about your inspirational special moments together that gets turned into a multi-million dollar Academy Award winning film.
5) Wait. Screw that! At first sign that your best friend is taking notes on your inspirational special moments together, sucker punch him. Then live another 40 years just to spite him.

cancer is not a game said...

All Things Probably Won't Pass

Sparkle Plenty said...

Nope! Cancer is not a game. But, if you don't laugh at it, it wins. Sometimes it wins anyway and you lose someone important. That happened to me. But I'm still laughin' at cancer and will continue to do so. Fuckin' cancer.

dum said...

Stupid cancer.