Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Back Scratcher Guy



So I see this guy the other day holding a bag.

And I can see inside bag. And inside bag is a backscratcher.

No big deal, correct?

Wrong.

It is a big deal.

This douchebag just spent money on a backscratcher.

A piece of wood that he uses to scratch his back.

No big deal, correct?

Wrong!

It is a big deal!

Think about it.

I mean really...how often does your back itch?

Is it really that much of a problem that you need a backscratcher?

Now let's say that your back DOES itch all of the time.

It a hunk of wood really the answer?

I think not.

I think a de-lousing and maybe a shower might help.

Or a doctor.

Or something.

Now let's think about this a bit more.

You're at the store and you make a decision to buy said backscratcher. You know you have an itchy back problem.

How does one even get through the day knowing the back is gonna itch in that one little 3" square area you can't reach with your hand??

Shouldn't you have had a backscratcher already?

Now let's think about this some more.

You've bought the backscratcher. You bring it home.

WHERE DO YOU KEEP IT???

Does your back only itch when you're in your chair?

What happens if said backscratcher is next to your chair but you're upstairs when the 3" square part of your back starts a itching?

Now you have to walk all the way downstairs to scratch your back?

That's lame.

Now let's think about this some more, shall we?

You have an itchy back problem. You know this. You just bought a backscratcher for this problem. A backscratcher costs what...maybe two dollars? Buy a few of them.

One for upstairs, one for the car, one for next to your chair.

Maybe one for work.

Eight bucks.

Now let's think about this a little more.

On second thought, let's never think about this again.

Sorry for wasting your time.

I'm also sorry for making your back itchy.

(Brownies, cookies, Fritos)

I'm also sorry for making you hungry.

14 comments:

bacon ace said...

The only answer is a back scratcher holster to carry it anywhere. I'm thinking hip holster like Han Solo.

Cake not signed in said...

Ihatechew!!!

~Hungry and Itchy in Canada

Cake still not signed in said...

Same-time-stamp jinx, Bacon!

Clinky said...

Meanwhile...

"Wifey! Get in here and scratch my back!"

Bossy McDemanding said...

Hey Clinky...update your blog!

Beatles said...

Get Backscratcher

Itchy Raccoon.

Flea-bitten Beatles said...

A Hard Day's Scratch

Baby You're an Itchy Man

McLousy said...

Maxwell's Silver Scratcher

B with an Itch said...

I Saw Her Scratching There

You're Going to Lose that Itch

Now that just sounds wrong said...

Itching a Hole

That's what I call my scratcher said...

Long Tall Sally

Too obvious? said...

Get Backscratched

Definitely too obvious! said...

Ob-La-Skritch, Ob-La-Scratch

Okay, I'll stop now said...

Scratchy Sadie