Saturday, April 24, 2010

Douchebaggery is not an exact science.



As the title of today's post says it's not an exact science, but we pretty much know who the douchebags are.

Now some of you may take offense to the following list because maybe you're on it.

Trust me, YOU aren't a douchebag.

But these folks usually are:

1) Dicks that ride unicycles. 98% douche ratio

2) Guys that nonchalantly walk around with a snake around their neck. 99.9% douchebags.

3) Guys that wear top hats on a regular basis (prom exclusion) 94% douchebags.

4) Fat guys in Smart Cars. 100% douche.

5) Folks that have read the Hobbit more than once. Or since 1986. 96% douchebag.

6) Guys that drive El Caminos. I've written this before. 99% douche. Or the Denali.

7) People that DEMAND to see Barack Obama's birth certificate. 100% douche

8) Barack Obama for not showing his stupid birth certificate. 100% douche.

9) Jay Leno 84% douche.

10) Folks that say: "Hot enough for you?" "See you on the flip side." "We're not in Kansas anymore." and of course: "That's what she said." 93% douchebaggery.

11) Ellen on American Idol. 100% douchebag.

12) The guy that asked me what model number my fax machine was. 110% douchebag.

13) People that say 110%. 100% douchebag.

14) Hoagy. 90% douche.

15) The kid shaking the sign across the street. 100% douche.

16) Joba Chamberlain of the New York Yankees. Douche. Not sure of the percentage.

17) The guy that sells you an extended warranty. 100% douche. No exceptions.

18) Nothing for #18.

2 comments:

Taking the easy shot said...

If it was an exact science, you'd win the Nobel Prize.

Congrats!

Taking another easy shot said...

"Hey Buddy!

I can see the shape and size of your penis in those tight sweatpants. "

Did it excite you?