Friday, April 16, 2010

Slow Death.

Oh sure, she pretends she loves me.

Oh sure, we've been married longer than Methuselah lived (Methuselah was the guy who lived a long time, correct?)

Because of my good looks? My charm? My bags full of cash?

Who the hell knows.

What I do know is that she's trying to kill me.

And that would be for my bags full of cash.

Or maybe full control of the TV remote.

Or something.

So how do I know she's trying to kill me, you ask?

Gather 'round and I'll tell ya.

So the other night we are in the kitchen and we're getting ready for bed when all of a sudden she says:

"Hey....did you see what I got you?"

And with that she opens up the freezer and shows me a box of frozen pancakes wrapped around sausages! (We call 'em 'Pigs in a Blanket')

And a box of frozen corn dogs!

My first reaction is "Wow! She loves me!"

Split second later I realize she's trying to slowly kill me without ever having to be charged with murder.

She's a clever one that Wifey.

Pancakes wrapped around sausage is also pretty clever.

And so are hot dogs, covered in batter, on a stick.


Food that comes on a stick probably isn't all that good for you.

Food that comes on a stick usually tastes wicked good.


Kathy said...

if she starts cooking everything in lots of butter, then you know for sure.

bacon ace said...

Come eat at my place sometime. I'll straught up murder you with deliciousness.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Chili on a stick?

Joe Doherty said...


Cake said...

I heard she took out a huge life insurance policy on you.

Smaht woman, her.

Cake said...

(Hmmm...anyone else want in on one? We could split the proceeds after his heart gives out...which should be aaaaany day now.)

Steampunk Belly Dancer said...

I like to eat my food out of a top hat while making tick-tock noises.

Or something.

Sparkle Plenty said...


Forget about the nutritional concerns, Peaches: Methuselah died choking on a corn dog stick.*

Believe it...

*They used to use the jawbone of an ass instead of an actual wood stick!**

**Believe it...