It's a gas, gas, gas!
The light bulb didn't burn out on schedule! It's a bloody miracle! We must celebrate for all eternity! Thank you! Baruch Hashem!
I made latkes for supper the other night...really.They were easily a million times better than avocados. (Not that I have any issues with avocados, mind.)
Ach, if only I vas shtill around, der yids vould not be allowed to zing der shtupid song.Of course, if I vas shtill around, der yids vouldn't be either
"Ach"Shicklegruber sounds more Scottish than German...
Och, Probably, tha Gruber side o' me family be Dutch, not Deitch, though they do like to pretend.Or maybe they're Austrian.Or something.Does that news put a tilt in yer kilt?
Oh HannukahOur fav'rit holidayWhen we all go outAnd play with fire all dayWith glowing wicksOn menorah sticksThey burn out just like Sox We stand and watch The candles' lightUntil we sayay good night!Oh HannukahYou're almost over hereIf we want some moreWe'll have a beerAnd just wait 'til next yearOh HannukahOur homes are near aflameWe stand and watch oh HannukahAnd hope God brings us rain!God keep our homesWet and fireproofWe pray for rainWe pray for rain you seeOh HannukahMaybe we'll just piss on the damn candles and put 'em out that way.
Dear My Landsman:I'm not sure I get it but A+ for effort.::passes over the latkes::
Dear Cakey-wakey:The megillah in a nutshell:We are ultra orthodox, the real deal.You are reform, you filthy heretics.We all gonna kill all you-all because we're holier than thou. Literally. And not only do we not have any Greek friends, we wouldn't have any if they asked us. So there. Now we gonna kill your pals too. (Later) Hey, we got our temple back after them filthy Greeks was here. Bet they desecrated it, chomping on their G-dforsaken bacon double cheeseburgers, the bastards. By the way, could someone turn on the lights? It's dark in here. Oh, that's nice, they're on. (Later) Come to think of it, those lights have been on an awful long while. Must be a faulty timer, or maybe a divine miracle. Divine miracle it is, we can celebrate and commemorate that for the next 3,000 years or so. What?We need more to celebrate? How about a military victory? They're always fun. Let's see... Military always wants to grab the high ground. Let's do that- There's a nice big flat space on top of that Masada Hill over there...GOT IT. Yay! We Win! We're number one! We're number one! Now what do we do? Why, let's all kill ourselves! That's always good for a laugh! We'll go down in history. They might even name a food after us, by combining pasta with honey instead of that Kraft crap. Yeah, people will lunch on MacaBee's not Mac 'nCheese! Sounds good? Let's do it!And there ya go kiddies, the basic story of Hannukah, slightly edited for modern sensibilities.Always happy to help, me.
Avodaos? No issues with avocados? Avocados make goat shit look appetizing.
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