Monday, December 26, 2011

Xmas Snippets 2011

Odd Gift for a Manly Man like me:

A paisely ironing board cover. Lots of purple in it. I love it!

I also got a lint brush. It wasn't purple.

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So I'm opening up a gift and it was a shirt. A rather flamboyant shirt. Lots of purple in it. Here is the conversation:

ME: "Are you sure this wasn't for Hoagy?"

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The following story isn't for the kids.

The other night me and The Hoag are out for Buddy Nite dinner, Christmas style.

Next to us was three drunken women and one REALLY drunken woman.

The REALLY drunken woman turned to us and said:

DRUNK SKANK: "Wow, you two are handsome! I just shaved my pussy!"

ME: "Thank you."

DRUNK SKANK: :::gesturing towards HOAGY::: "And you look like John Mayer!"

HOAGY: "Who is John Mayer?"

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MADDOG: "Did Wifey like the jam I gave her?"

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ME: "Don't even think about telling me what you want for Christmas next year...I've already got it picked out."

DAUGHTER: "It will be out-dated by then."

(It won't be)

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DAUGHTER: "If I need to get up at 4:00am I set my alarm for 1:00am so I know I can still sleep for three hours."

ME: "Tard."

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CHRISTMAS OBSERVATION:

In the movie 'It's a Wonderful Life', when they all start singing in the Bailey's house, why the hell does Bert the Cop have an accordian with him???

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9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Standard cop equipment: "Lady of Spain works faster at subduing people than pepper spray.

And it's nice to hear it was jam for Wifey rather than jelly. What's Christmas without feeling stuffed?

Anonymous said...

There weren't real bad guys in Bedford Falls back in the 40's. Bert the cop needed something to do besides hanging out and talking to Ernie the cab driver all day. So he took up accordion playing.

I wonder if Bert ever gave Ernie a purple paisley shirt for Christmas.

And what the hell kind of a name is "Zuzu"???

Crazy Cat Lady said...

Why would anyone shave a pussy?

Madam Obvious said...

Lint brush and ironing board cover...so there's a gas station or dollar store near your house, then?

Rsbbi Yakov Ben Barfenberg said...

XMas is over, so I guess that means Iano's back on regular shift, and his part-time snippet gig performing circumcisions is done for another year.

Anonymous said...

My sister had her pussy shaved once. They gave her the lion cut. It looked ridiculous.

Cake not signed in said...

So to sum up:

I got better gifts than you did.

Cake not signed in said...

And jinx to whomever posted at the exact same time as me.

Anonymous said...

owe me a coke!!