Thursday, June 28, 2012

The Ice Cream Store

CUSTOMER: "I heard there is an ice cream store around here."

ME: "'s about a block down that way [I point] on this side of the street."

CUSTOMER: "A block what way?"

ME: "That way."

CUSTOMER: "Down there?"

ME: "Yes."

CUSTOMER: "What side of the street is it on?"

ME: "This side."

CUSTOMER: "The side we are on now?"

ME: "Yes. THIS side."

CUSTOMER:  "A block down that way, right?"

ME: "You're too young for Candid Camera, right?"

CUSTOMER: "I have a camera on my phone."

Monday, June 18, 2012

The Mason Jar Filled With Candy

So Friday night Wifey goes to a wedding without me.

I had to work that day so I couldn't go.

The bride had given each one of her guests a mason jar filled with penny-type candy.

Wifey doesn't much like candy.

 It just kinda sat there on the counter taunting me.

I like candy.

But anyhow...

So I wake up on Sunday morning and see a greeting card with my name on it.

In Wifey's handwritting.

It's Father's Day.

Wifey gets me a card for Father's Day.

The mason jar filled with candy is still on the counter a few feet away.

I look at the card.

 I look at the candy.

I don't open either one.

I look back at the candy.

It's time to shower so I go upstairs (with visons of sugar plums dancing in my head) (or something)

When I come downstairs I notice the mason jar filled with candy is now on top of my card.

I'm not even her father.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Happy Part of a Leg Day

I was less than two years old when my Dad died.

I have one memory of him.

I can remember a little bit of his leg and a bit of a maroon robe he wore.

And his slippers.

He was standing by our front door.

I want to thank him for teaching me how to ride a bike.

And to play chess and Monopoly.

How to swim and how to use a lawn mower.

How to ride a horse and how to throw a baseball.

I want to thank him for teaching me how to read.

And how to make a grilled cheese sandwich.

I'd like to also thank him for teaching me to fish and for driving me to school.

For buying me my first car.

And that G. I. Joe.

Thanks Dad.

Or should I call you Mom?

Saturday, June 16, 2012

What if snack food companies also made cars?

(Sparkle Garden-Wagon Inspired Post)

1. Wheat Thins Am

2. Ritz-28

3. CamOreo

4. Teddy Grahams National

5. Chips A-Honda

6. TrisK.I.T.T.

7. Slimpala

8. Chevy Ho-Ho

9. El Dorito

10. Malibu-Mar

11. Breeze Whiz

(We haven't done one of these in years)

Sunday, June 10, 2012

It's a random passage from a random news story!

His friend died at the scene, he said.

No one answered when ABC News called Vines' phone number, but he told the AP that losing his friend was like losing a lung.

Saturday, June 09, 2012

Blog post that didn't quite make it.

I thought it would be funny to write a story about the 17 oz New York Cola Company.

Maybe something about them filing for bankruptcy.

And then I decided not to.

Old Baseball Cards

CUSTOMER: "Do you buy old baseball cards?"

ME: "Sometimes...mostly I'm looking for older ones."

CUSTOMER: "I have old ones."

ME: "How old?"

CUSTOMER: "I have a bunch from the 1300s."

ME: "I don't need them from that time period....thank you."

Thursday, June 07, 2012

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

He remembers.

CUSTOMER: "I remember when comics were a nickel."

ME: "Yup."

CUSTOMER: "I also remember when they were five cents."

Sunday, June 03, 2012

Pepperidge Farms

Have you ever bought a Pepperidge Farm product?

The bread in particular?

You take off the little twisty-tie thingy on the bag and reach inside and take out the bread.


Pepperidge Farms is still living in 1947 and they have this inner crinkly wrapper thing inside that needs to also be opened.

I don't want to open two wrappers to get to my bread!

But Pepperidge Farms no doubt things it's quaint. It makes it fresher.

It ain't and it doesn't.

If my bread goes stale because it only has one wrapper I'll buy some more.

Join the 21st Century, Mister Pepperidge Farms!

Friday, June 01, 2012

Too many exceptions

This guy just came in the store and paid with foreign money...or was it counterfeit money? I seized it from him and asked for real money.

He feigned indifference.

 (I just said feigned)

I think Keith(?) is gonna have to forfeit his store privileges if he does that again.

He normally spends most of his leisure time reading comics so he either has to come up with American money next time or maybe get a neighbor to help him out.

Or something.

Not that it has anything to do with the story but his height had to have been at least six feet eight inches and his weight was upwards of 300 pounds....not that I weighed him!

Weird, huh?

It's gone viral. Pass it around.