Sunday, January 27, 2013

Kate Winslet's nipples.

 
So we watched the movie THE READER last night.
 
Here is the conversation this morning:
 
 
ME: "Do you think Kate Winslet is attractive?"
 
WIFEY: "Yes, but I don't like her nipples."
 
ME: "What's wrong with her nipples?"
 
WIFEY: "They're kinda black."
 
---
 
 
You'll have to google to see Kate Winslet's nipples...or watch the movie.
 
Or start dating her.
 
Or something.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Cah Wahshhh

 
So yesterday I pull up to the gas station/car wash and I fill up my tank with ethyl.
 
The sexy computer voice at the pump asks if I'd like a car wash today.
 
I push the button that says yes.
 
I love having a clean car in the middle of winter.
 
So I get back in car with my car wash code in hand and drive around to the car wash.
 
The sign says:
 
Car Wash Closed Today.
 
(It was wicked cold out)
 
 
THEN DON'T ASK ME IF I WANT A CAR WASH IF IT'S CLOSED, SEXY COMPUTER VOICE BITCH!

Monday, January 21, 2013


Stupid Bugles

 
 
So the other day Wifey asks me what I want at the grocery store.
 
Ice cream, Bugles, and Cheese Puffs I tell her.
 
Here is the conversation when I got home.
 
WIFEY: "I got your stupid Bugles."
 
ME: "They're not 'stupid' Bugles!"
 
WIFEY: "They are."
 
ME: "Did you get your stupid capers and stupid V-8 juice?"
 
WIFEY:  "Your stupid Bugles are bad for you!"
 
ME: "Bugles ain't bad for me! They are made from corn."
 
WIFEY:  "You're stupid."
 
ME: "You are."
 
WIFEY: "You are."
 
ME: "You are."

Saturday, January 19, 2013

The Elephant in the Room

 
Lots of news reports this week about Michelle Obama and her new haircut.
 
SHE HAS BANGS!
 
She is a stylish first lady!
 
She's brought glamour back to the White House!
 
A trend-setting First Lady!!
 
 
----
 
Let's cut thru the crap...she is a large (almost fat) beast of a woman.
 
Her face is wicked ugly.
 
She is a behemoth.
 
 
Though I have to agree about something...
 
 
She has bangs!!

Sunday, January 13, 2013

NO PARKING ZONE

ME: "Hey buddy...you can't park there!"

HIM: "Yes I can...just not legally."

ME: "Nice!"

Sunday, January 06, 2013

Today I review LINCOLN.

1) I was going to go to sleep in the theatre but I didn't want my snoring to wake up the other movie-goers.


2) I was praying that there was an assassin in the theatre and that he would shoot ME!


3) There was too much butter on my popcorn.


4) Nothing for #4


(Lincoln blows)

(Daniel Day-Lewis was pretty good)

(The wheelbarrow full of body parts was the best part of the movie)